Honestly From Me

I ENVY~I DESIRE

2011-10-16T00:38:00.011+08:00

Perhaps, you can called me mean girl or covetous of other people. Well, as a woman who is very ambitious, I do have the feeling of envy and eagerly to be better than what I suppose to be before. I always make sure that my life is always better than the previous years. I always want to be perfect in every angle but, the fact is, nobody perfect..even God’s intervention can’t help me either.

Or should I just say that instead of being thankful. It turns to be thankless???Perhaps, I am thankful with what I have but deep down from the bottom of my heart, I do have a little silent dissatisfied from my very small voices. It seems that I keep on complaining all the time as in voiceless ( inner dissatisfaction but now it turns into writing) rather than be thankful… I keep on complaining about:

i) my facial feature since I have a round face that always makes me look chubbier…it seems that round face is the hardest facial feature for me..i always look chubbier and big cheek. .i hate my facial skin as I always have pimples on my face even it isn’t too bad but still it’s out of my own self-satisfaction. I envy those who don’t have to spend a lot of money and trying so hard on cosmetic products…I hate when people keep on talking about facial skin and compare with their smooth facial skin…it’s really a sensitive issue for me…( like “ duhhhh” I know you don’t have skin problems and be damn thankful if it’s actually from your genetic inheritance!) but the fact is, nobody knows what I had gone through ! all they know..”keep on comparing me with them” like bitch bitches! ( oppsie…sorry harshy)
ii) I keep on complaining about my body part.. I have small butt…duhh….nevermind at least I have big boobs..ahhah..but yet…how I wish if I have a big sexy butt.. like Kim Kardishan, or perhaps, Jenny on the block, Jennifer Lopez… hmmm….unluckily I wasn’t born with it…perhaps..i was born with these boobies of mine…wink!proud with that..i’n not saying it is superbly big but ….moderate… much better than “small” category…
iii) Hmm… how I wish I was born with a thick hair…mine is fine hair…hmmm….it ‘s difficult to own a fine hair as you can’t try every hair fashion….fine hair only suitable for certain hair fashion…hmmm….
iv) I envy those who don’t have to spend even a single penny on plane…everything is F.O.C…they only need to prepare with their pocket money..that’s all… any chances for me to get free ticket??? Hmmmm…but me??i have to stand on my own feet to fulfill my dreams. Perhaps, I am being too independent with myself! I need to save money if I want to go for travelling…. Sometimes, when I saw people with their marvelous and adventurous pictures to other places like London, Germany and whatsoever countries in the world, it makes me questioned myself…when will be my turn? Will I have the chances?? How lucky there are…is there any luck for me??? Will I be able to fulfill my dream? I wish oneday, I can travel around the world. Perhaps, not today but someday ( uh uh….tears..)..my dream places…( manila, Bali, Korea, Vietnam, London, Rome, Paris)..well..that;s all at this moment….the rest…wait till I feel like I want to go to the other countries that aren’t mentioned. …forget to mention…I am currently trying to fulfill my desire with climbing the 3rd largest mountain which is Mount. Kinabalu…. ( if I’m not mistaken…please correct my blunders)…currently…in the process of dealing with the person in charged ..Hopefully the booking processes successfully confirm!! ( fingers crossed) if this come true…meaning to say … I had lesser the countless dreams I have…:0

From the first until the last words of dissatisfactions, quizzical, clueless questions…it really shows how self-oriented I am and worldly I am with the human desires….hmm….( how bad I am….)…..but still, I know that all these coming from God…at least I know he loves me.. perhaps, not every dreams and desires are easily to be grab just in a glance…but yet, he gives me time to know myself well, to be patience and to keep on believing on my every desire although I am not perfect..but I am perfect in God’s eyes…

Talk about all this Goddess.. Scares me of the world’s today…is it 2012 will be the end of the world??? Uh uh….banyak lagi impian belum tercapai ni..uh uh…

tinggi tinggi gunung kinabalu

2011-10-12T22:27:00.003+08:00

i am planning to hike the mount kinabalu next year..march 2012....i'm on my way...i should make this dream comes true.....soooneeerrrr...!!!!....

~in the process of making it happens!~

money~>my angel my devil

2011-10-11T23:26:00.002+08:00

hmm i am literally, like seriously thinking about money....money is the root of all evils but now it turns to be my angel devil...it helps me when i need it and it harms me when i am insanely out of my mind...unwise money user...!!

thank God...i am blessed with his grace... and i always bare in mind that everything comes from God...hmmm but by next year...after all the thought and culculation..i guess i am truly need to do my budgetary considerations..i'm thinking of something serious and trying my best jump outside the box...facing all the shadow of my future...

hmmm....numb and hush...hmmm ..like seriously, fiona????!!!

blooaaa~teedd Thursday...

2011-10-06T09:27:00.009+08:00

Let’s make it fast, simple and snappy….
Currently..i was literally not feeling well.. PMS!!! Say hello to the hormone once again!! Oh totally..i feltl bloated since yesterday! Couldn’t sleep well last night and I was chickening out of something that I was truly didn’t know…perhaps, emotional imbalance….!! I couldn’t sleep in darkness and I need a dim light! glad I had that for emergency!

Lately….hmmm what was going on for 2 0r 3 weeks before??...check it out!! :
I had bought a new smartphone that I was really keen about.. (2 weeks ago)..my decision was to take this Samsung galaxy S plus….weee!!!i love it so much!!! Still in the process of discovering my new smartphone!!!hmmm..thank God for all the livelihood!!!
Since last weekend was really a layback for me….i have given a try for facial treatment.. “imperial beauty &body care, grand millennium …..my review : loving in so much!!!and I felt satisfied with the services. At least it worth for that Rm 96!! Thumb to Imperial beauty& body care !!! (the result : my face dosen't looked reddish...oppsie...naked face!)

And now….i’m still waiting for the makeup ( sephora moonshadow baked palette) that I had ordered since August……hmmm it takes so long for that..but I’m lucky that it costs me ($28) for that during the new product launched! Now, it costs ($ 50)!!! Thank God …I bought it earlier!.....so, the status : pending for the shipment…hmm…I need to wait till mid of this October then….

Well…that’s all for now..!

~kaingaran here I come~

2011-09-21T09:43:00.006+08:00

Well, this was my second time going to Kaingaran, Tambunan and it was really wonderful place that I kept on missing as well as finding the peace that I never get somewhere else except here at Kaingaran.. far from hustle and bustle

I don’t know how to describe it, it was not all about the places but it was about your feeling, your thought, and the place that connected all together. Perhaps, people might said that going to “ kaingaran” for sure you will become a “sister” or “ brother”..but that weren’t true if it wasn’t your calling….

sometime, people went to kaingaran to find peace, to heal their silent sadness that hard to describe even by the word itself, to improve themselves as well as because they’re weak and they need some prayers and healing process….others might said that going to such places, you are truly “faithful” but I guess that wasn’t the best term to judge…people went to such places because they knew that they were just a human being that always make mistakes and need God’s intervention to show them the right direction in every aspect…

“ Mamula moon” day??

2011-09-15T23:31:00.004+08:00

JUST MAKE IT SHORT AND SIMPLE…..I Know this from my friend ….

Well, I don’t know the real story about this “ Mamula Moon” but it was really sounds like our national anthem..so, who copy –right who? I was totally had no idea…so, just let you all listen the song…and what says you???

By the way, Happy Malaysia day!!!Proud to be SABAHAN!!!!

Just a thought of " yay "

2011-09-13T23:30:00.007+08:00

I still remember back in 2005, when I was still young, loved to play, loved to enjoy myself to the fullest like life was always young to a girl at the age of 19 during that time. All i need to think of,was my studies and where I need to go after the class! Back in those teenager lives and the early age of adulthood world, I never even touched a single though about the future ahead. But now, say hello to hormone! I guess I do have the syndrome of “25 years old syndrome” where I tend to feel worry with my age. Not to say that I am worry about the age itself, but I am worry about my future….

Before this, I never worried if my aunt or my cousins who were older than me like 5 years difference got married or engaged. But, now, everything seems to reverse to what it supposed to be. I can feel that most of my friends are planning about their future such as…when they want to settle down, talking about house, car, investment, loan, future babies, babies name and talks all about the futuristic thingy that scares me a lot.

It was really flashing to my mind…with all the” Wh” Question marks..when will I, myself get married?or perhaps just talk about engagement ring? When will I, myself, stable in terms of my own personal financial? I only have a car of my own..how about house? I haven’t got my own house yet? Loan? I never make any loan yet? Countless of clueless questions that yet still need to be discover…too complicated when I am giving just a second though about it…

Even worst, when my friend is way too far ahead, thinking about marriage and spreading a good news everywhere even though she hasn’t even engaged yet but she had planned about her marriage, about the babies and even had marked the babies name for her future baby boy and girl that include with the father‘s name (boyfriend’s name) on her own life diary…wow!!!! That is totally scary! Should I say yay or nay???

Sometimes, I quizzically asking myself…am I scared of my future because i am perpetually prepared and ready enough to step ahead of the future or am I scared of my future because I am not ready but situation forces me to not waste my time and it’s time to think about the future…???hmmm….

Or am I…… had planned in mind but scared to let anyone knows about it because I have the attitude to be so “silently secret” with every plan I made. Since I don’t want to spread news everywhere while I, myself cannot confirm it yet… I guess let’s make it as a secret until the truth reveal s by the time of a great healer!

Goodnite!

When AGE is REALLY a number!

2011-09-12T21:46:00.004+08:00

People keep on saying that age is just a number but I guess… age is really a number if we can’t take a good care of our health as well as our outer beauty especially to women.

It seems that there was something that cast to my mind when I was just a little girl who was very naïve about life. Back to the late of 19s I still remembered when 3 of my aunts were talking among themselves about their youthfulness.

Aunty (no.1) : tadi masa kita tiga org duduk2 di kerusi,sa pi la jumpa si MR. X, dia cakap sapa tu?kakak ko ka itu yang dua tu…terus sa cakap x la…adik2 sa bah tu. SI Mr X cakap……haaa? Adik2 ko ka itu..??tapi kenapa mcm sa nampak ko yang mcm adik ni?bukan ko paling tua antara dorg ka.?? Sa pun balas la…ya..sa la yang paling tua tu. Dorg dua tu adik bawah2 sa bat u…. ko tau apa si Mr X cakap?? Dia cakap boleh tahan oo kau ni…. X nampak mcm kakak…mcm dorg yang kakak..ahhahha

Aunty ( no 2 and 3) : punya perasaan muda kunun….baru kena puji..dia saja2 ba tu ambil hati ko…

Aunty ( no 1) : bukan bah tu…sebab sa nampak muda dari kamu dua..hahah..bangganyaaa…jan la jeles…

Aunty (no.2) :..ada dia cakap antara kami dua sapa yang mcm kakak ka?ekekekke

Aunty ( no 3) : jadi kunun ko la tu nampak muda dari sa?? Huh….

So, it seems that.. the elders ( aunty no 1) looked the youngest compared to the younger ( aunty no 2) and the youngest sister ( aunty no 3)….

Reflect to my middle age of 20s at this moment, now I realized why my aunts kept debating about their youth…comparing with each other who can maintain their beauty and their youthfulness the most…

Since I had exposed with this kind of situation, I really take a good care of myself, my body, and about what should I eat, because I believe that prevention is better than cure…we need to take a good care of ourselves whether inner or outter beauty in the very early stage… don’t wait until our age,aged us!

Have a nice day everyone!

Let’s go to the Gym!

2011-09-12T09:50:00.004+08:00

Here we go again!.....thank God there was a Gym here at Kota Marudu. For sure it wasn’t a dime a dozen to have gym at a very small location! Although, it wasn’t that luxurious but yet the equipment looked good and they almost got everything here.at least there was something that we could do with the equipment! Well, since I was working at kota marudu and managed to go back only during the weekend or else during the school holidays, but I guess It was good enough to have something to do here especially during the weekdays or any other day that I didn’t manage to go back!…what a gasp of relieved!!

So, I guess it’s time to give some attention for gym right now!! Actually I was been thinking about gym since before but because of my situation and location I guess I didn’t have much time but gladly, I had made up my mind to keep being healthy by going to the gym on weekdays with my friends who were in same intention with me! Thank God…finally “the same boat “was on! At least I had something to do here in KM!

Realizing that I was gaining weight, it was literally made me on the anxiety mode. Being at the middle-age of 20s was really reminded me to take a good care of my health especially the outer physical body. I realized that, since I was working at Kota Marudu, my face seems to get chubbier, bloated as it may seem. It was fully vindicated when my ex- cosmopoint student told me that I looked chubbier! Oh no!!! by right, I seriously need to be fit!

how i wish if my dream body is like this....uh..dream is just about to be dream...stop dreaming!!!!

So, time to get train with this sexy skinny bitch!!!.....

tata for now!

Frame of mind…

2011-09-09T14:43:00.004+08:00

Today is Friday and TGIF!! I am about to train myself to get used with the “twitter” which I recently activate the application ( gosh! I am totally lame) with the reason of…I guess it’s time to change the mood with the new social network rather than facebooking all the time. I’ve got lots of friends on facebook and it’s totally cannot be avoided anymore and I feel I am out of privacy although my status was genuinely 100% on “privacy mode” but yet..TMI !! TO MUCH OF INFORMATION as well as friend lists that I guess some of then I don’t even know. Besides, I am lazy to update my facebook. So, here we go.. Another friend soon to be my bestfriend …Mr. Twitter..!!

hmm…how should I say?...i know it’s totally obvious to keep on saying that “ now..i guess I need to keep on with the blogging and repeat the same sentences which I know I never bare in my mind to be true to myself to realLY on “ KEEP ON BLOGGING” ..but this time… just let it be…

How’s my life right now? Well…I’m still at Kota Marudu, still with my teaching job and still difficult to blend myself with the environment although I had been working here for a year! Why? Well..i also don’t know..perhaps because the place are quite dusty, hot, my job here is all about teaching and I don’t have any places to go, to hang out, lonesome or perhaps, I hardly ever can find people who can be on “ the same boat situation” with me. Everything seems to be slow and steady here but hey..i managed to save my money here!!…but, that’s not that important. It’s almost every weekend I drive through to k.k!

Enough for that…hmm..something spring to my mind lately… now, I am on my way to buy my dream handphone which is “ Samsung galaxy S plus or Samsung galaxy S” between both of that and we’ll see which one I am about to buy..hmm…perhaps, some people might ask me, why don’t you buy the latest one “Samsung Galaxy S II”? The reason is, I am not rich!hahha…! what an honest answer! Yes…I don’t want to really spend on my money for handphone because there’s still so much that I keep frame on my mind…since, I was working, so, all the money comes from my very own money 100% and i am being independent of my own..perhaps, others are depending on their parents' money but i am not and yet i am still proud of myself that i manage to get whatever i want by my own effort 100%...talk about money which is the roots of all evil...hahhahah!! i am about to save my money for other treats…

I am thinking of MT. Kinabalu….rafting……overseas…..engagement ( as if ..duhhh) ??hahah? perhaps so?...so, to make all my wishes come true..i am really on about to make it happen!!!talk about cellphone, why not keen for “ Samsung galaxy Tab”?? reason:..well, I guess I am more crave with the cellphone as it is my first priority at this moment and I am busy with all the typing thingy by using my lappy rather than Tab…so, make it slow…start with the one that is truly giving you advantages the most!...

That’s all for today! Adios!!

Turn into a new leaf

2011-05-23T15:24:00.006+08:00

Here we go again. Another lack lustre blog soon to be update. Well, two weeks of exam, of course, I do feel that I am a bit lay back and relax. Well, what do you expect? No teaching for 2 weeks and no lesson plan to make which sometimes, honestly speaking, it is totally torturous trying to cram everything on my head and planning the suitable lesson plans for moderate classes. Geeee…..I’m almost drowning with the workload!!! So, appreciate the moment of castling in the air while you still can have it before everything stress you out in the future.

yeah..i finished marking these papers...

But, lucky me, as my subject for the examination had started since last week and I managed to finish marking all the exam papers within 2 days for 4 different classes and different cognitive level. Thank God!..it doesn’t give me a headache after all…perhaps, just a few of them….so, another one more exam papers to mark for only one class!!Can’t wait for that!!uhhh…..i am counting the days…can’t wait for the school holidays. I really need a long holilazy day.

Since I was posted at Kota Marudu ,I guess ,it was cruel to say that i wasn’t happy here, I did liked all the teachers and friends here especially the afternoon session. Their jokes and their friendliness reminded me of my ex-colleagues at Cosmopoint , but I guess, until now, I still feel that it isn’t enough for me.. I don’t know….what is it actually but I guess I feel lonely here..ekeke…and no place to go for hang out. Or should I say that I should be humble??hmmm…perhaps, I just being an up-town woman and for sure, I love living in a big city even it is full of hustle and bustle…uhh…it reminded me of what my cousin ever told me before… “you totally can’t live in a rural area, Fiona” ….so, sad but yeah that’s true…uhuh…ohhh I miss all my friends in KK…

anyway...i've got a new office table!!!

But, that’s okay….when there’s way, there’s a will… no matter what , I believe there is always a true blessing... hmmm….pardon me if I am being scrupulous about almost every single of my life…well, I guess that is one way to give myself as a reward or else self- satisfaction. I had made a few list on my “list to do” so, I am planning to make some makeover to my room in kk since it isn’t really attractive and mess up…yeah….totally messy! Besides, I guess, it’s time to turn into a brand new life, brand new me…I am planning to change how I look especially my hair. I am planning to do a digital perm for my hair next week…about the result. We’ll see how it goes…hmmm… perhaps, all the plans that I made is to cheer me up from a busy hazy day as I do notice myself that I am a little bit tension and stress almost everyday..Perhaps it is because of the location of my working career???maybe….?

this is what i am so crazy about..i am planning to do the digital perm but i haven't decide which saloon i should go for this...how i wish it can be turn out like this..any suggestion?? which saloon can make this digital perming here in kota kinabalu?? i'm still quizically can't make any decision yet....hmmm

Oppss hey…I bought a new flute just now for myself…I don’t know how play with it but I would really like to give a try..eekkeke

emotional turmoli?

2011-05-20T13:50:00.003+08:00

what is wrong with me lately??....i 'm so easily feel red and gloomy..easily to think negative and easily to get jealous with my facebook's friends for nothing which actually....it is not about jealousy but i guess there's something wrong with me????....am i actually stress?? or i am totally fade up driving all the way from kota kinabalu to kota marudu?...i am getting to like the working environment here..but i guess i missed my fancy life a lot!....hmm... what is wrong with me?? will i be having my period soon??PMS perhaps??...but i guess i miss cell-meeting so much...am i actually far away from God when so suddenly i feel like there is something wrong with me???GOD...please help me.....

You Missed These…

2011-05-12T10:42:00.000+08:00

Finally after been so long of hiding and silently busy with the workload, I finally manage to have the mood of blogging…well, maybe only for today but I can’t guarantee you for what might happen in the future. Since I was working as an educator, I guess my life was literally busy and hectic with all the workload, stress and sometimes I didn’t have the mood at all to blog as I was looking for other entertainment to de-stress me and relaxing me for a while.

So now, here we go again…what have you missed about me?hmmm….well, there were so many thing that happened to me during my disappearance …lately, I was really crave of taking care about beauty…well..beauty is truth, truth beauty!!! Sometimes, we don’t need beauty by waiting it to pour down on you, but I believe we can chase the beauty by taking a good care of yourself, inner and outer beauty. So, since I was 25 years old now, I guess this will be the perfect time for me to take a good care of my own beauty…prevention is better than cure…the first and foremost, drink a lot of mineral water and sleep 8 hours a day…that’s what I’m doing know…not to say I’m the beauty expert, but I guess it isn’t wrong to share some of the information as sharing is caring..right??eheh

Lately, I had found one good spa salt which was very cheap…yes very cheap…only for RM 3.90 (introduced by my friend)….What for buying something expensive if you can’t see the differences…?? So, perhaps, you might want to try this….i had tried this for about a month, and my body feels so smooth and silky…but of course don’t use it everyday.. perhaps 3 or 4 times a week. Trust me you going to love it!!

Hmmm what else??hmmm….i drank innershine ( prune essence) everyday before sleep and I had drank it since March..that one, I;m not very sure if it gives me any advantages…perhaps, I can’t see the differences but others can tell that there is something glowy in you…wow….that’s what every women what to hear from others..ekekek

Since I have an oily skin, so I choose these products because my face is easily to have pimples….well, these really suit with me….ehheheh..and it worth for me buying it..eheheh….hmmm I guess that’s all for now….recently, I am trying one good product….wanna know….????i’ll tell you later on…

Royal wedding of the year

2011-04-30T07:43:00.004+08:00

Oppsieee…..yeah…don’t get shock…I am actually writing something inside my haunted and ancient blog..ehehhehe…finally, after all the workload and stress that I am holding on and this one really makes me de-stress…..the royal wedding…..!!!! geee….do I really that hard core fan that crazily so over into the royal wedding thingy???i don’t know…but perhaps I do so..hahahha

oh goshhh....lovin' the dress!!!

I loveee Kate Middleton’s dress….it’s so stunning and splendid!!!hmmmm…how I wish I can wear something like that if I get married…ahhaha…yeah as if I get married…. Or else….just castling in the air for that…eehhehe…..what a very nice couple……I like it!!!!!!!!!!

I Said..." i don't like it!!!"

2011-04-11T12:36:00.002+08:00

try me...try my patience...i don't like it.. i said i don't like it....do you understand.....i hate it and i don't like it...mark my words!

What did I miss?

2011-04-04T21:33:00.005+08:00

Well, it’s been almost a month I haven’t update anything…let me make it short and simple..which mean in a very easy and simple words….i’m happy for having a nice friends, open minded and a bit crazy!!but hey..that’s what I’m looking for!! A friend who cares is a friend who shares!!thanks for being my friend and you’re the best!!!Nothing is the best than my ex- colleague… !!!..i love my ex-colleague because they are not a back-stabber or back-biters...i guess....!i miss those kind of friends!

i miss my friends!!!well...we're having a karaoke!!!just to de-stress ourselves from works...

i'm not a good singer but hey....this is once in a blue moon....limited edition..wkakkak

Hmmm..it’s nice to be together sometimes with my family…I mean my mother’s big family side…!!! See….simple and short!!!

pardon for my blunder...

2011-03-31T10:44:00.001+08:00

Pardon me if I made a mistake….

Pardon me if I’m not a perfect educator…

Pardon me if I’m just a centre of backbiting

Pardon me if I might be a bad teacher,

Pardon me if I am your hatred…

And pardon me if I’m boring….

Pardon me, for what I made was just to help you…

Build up your confidence, appreciate the learning,

Realizing and open your eyes that future doesn’t wait for you,

But you have to run and reach your goal for your future….

Pardon me for I am just a human being…

But I do love you all because I want you to be a better person..

Perhaps, I’m thinking differently, go on with the modernization,

Perhaps I’m too harsh, too scarstic ,

But I don’t ask for more, I don’t ask you to appreciate me,

But appreciate your future, your own education,

I don’t ask anything from you,

What I give, what I share ..

That is honestly from me…

What was I thinking?

2011-03-17T01:59:00.000+08:00

It’s midnight.. and I haven’t sleep.... what is actually going on with me??perhaps…I miss the old days..the true friendship and the happiest friendship I ever had…I miss all my bestie around me…hang out, mingle and even gossiping about the girly stuff…I miss my ex-colleagues...all the jokes, the memories and the funniest things happened in the middle of our busiest day with the students, mid-term, about the fish that used to be the trend in the lecturers’ room and even perhaps about the unnecessarily stuff but still it was really fun!! …wow..this is so suddenly… it’s hard to describe but I guess I just miss my friends…my bestie and perhaps my ex- colleagues or should I say that this is a masochists??…being an educator, there are so many beautiful things happen and vice versa which mean sometimes you need to do some scarification…I accept that and I am glad that God gives me a beautiful sweet and sour of life…honestly speaking I missed the old days…I miss the great friendship and I literally miss it so much….

but that was a few months back… and in the present…life must go on....people comes in and out in my life..from the adorable, the funniest, the joker, the wisest and not forgetting the worst…but that is not the main point…sometimes, I blame myself for being so negative thinker…I blame myself for being in an emotional turmoil just in the blink of an eyes and perhaps all the blind siding and the glaring mistake that I keep on blaming others…and to sum up everything…I am not perfect and I never be perfect… i meet a wonderful peoples around me and I do meet some psychobabble and annoying peoples around me… but the point is…I’m just a human being,.. fragile and easily hurt…sometimes…I don’t know why people loves to do all the backbiting..perhaps with or without I realize? or should I just questioned myself….do I really can trust all the bizarre sixth sense that I am feeling right now?? Or should I questioned myself…do I really can trust others??hmmm…..only God knows…so…I will hold this quote “ don’t trouble, trouble until trouble troubles you”….may god lead me to a right path for I am sinner…amen

Should I call it Psychobabble or psycho mumble post??

2011-01-21T21:27:00.004+08:00

this is during "sukantara"....loving their spirit!!!

I don’t know if I should say that this is miracle? Or perhaps should I say it as just a co-incident that happened in me in the blink of an eye? Or should I just say it as “normality” out of all the quizzical words I have mentioned? My lappy toppy suddenly working and I don’t have problem of using it as its actually broken and almost like a trash that cannot be use anymore when suddenly abracadabra….no way!!...its working!! Praise to the Lord!

To be honest, I am eagerly longing to write something in my ancient, hunted as well as lackluster blog that nobody will comment and perhaps “ too personal to read” or just say it that I am far way back behind from all the famous bloggers or maybe moderate bloggers that people keeps visiting almost everyday or even tremendously every hour… but that’s not the big deal as I actually enjoy writing and fantasying with my own thought almost everything about life even the truth is I am just being so over excited to write and to write and hope for nothing in return to be commented just like some other people “ keep tagging” that sometimes it actually sucks! (Just like what aza says in her blog..hahahha) thinking beyond the boundaries that perhaps I don’t have the answer and perhaps, I wonder if others might have their answer or even worst only God knows the answer.

Hmmm… working as an educator in a rural area makes me wonder how long I will be stuck in this place….seeing almost “kampung boys and girls” I guess the better way to mention, makes me wonder how they really need to learn something. There was a person told me before, that maybe, the reason for me to be posted here because God has something good to me…but still…I wonder what actually it is? Or I, myself blinded beyond his will? Or perhaps, there is something in front of me that I see everyday but I keep denying it?

Well, as a fresh educator entering the government sector even before this I did have my experiences in non- government , perhaps people might still look down on us because we are new, fresh and lack of experiences in term of teaching but I believe that everyone has their own style of teaching and the sense of perceiving something. Sometimes, I do questioning myself why I don’t choose to work at my own hometown, Tawau, if I know the chances for me to get posted in Tawau is higher and maybe I don’t have problems with accommodation and modernization as we do have a nice big house, very comfortable to stay and to live. But taking a big risk by choosing other places which I actually know that the possibility to be posted out of hustle and bustle is the highest? Or am I being snobbish of myself to be nearer to the one I love? But, still I know the distance is far even we can meet up somewhere in Kota Kinabalu??

Far from family and friends as well as loves one really give me a big sadistic to keep holding on, be strong even sometimes I am not stronger to stand still. But I am thankful that I still can go back to Kota-Kinabalu almost every week compare to others from west malaysia and treat myself with all the modernization, trendy attires, entertainment and nicest food to eat. But I’m doubt how long all of this will be over?? How long I should take this masochism?? hmmm….but living in rural area, impress me of something, something about the students here. Very naïve, innocent, naught but still, you gain respect from them. They might come from poor family (from the way they groom themselves) but their humanities impressed me. Maybe, they are lack of education, general knowledge, lack of exposure about the outside world, but they are the healthiest, big spirit, and proof that money isn’t everything but to love one another make everything feel so wonderful.

Maybe, in such other way, I am insane, observing about life surrounding me and comparing my real life with them which actually contrast almost with everything. To the things that if I myself will never do this and that, but in their life they dare to face the challenge. Too beautiful to describe about them. Sometimes, I am so pity to those who are entering form one, still look like they are only 8 years old because of their small physical body but distance doesn’t make them stop to gain knowledge as some of them living as far as it takes 1 hours to go to school everyday by transportation and because of the distance, they have to stay at hostel..but, oh my God…they are too small to be living at hostel..far from their family..being so independent during their age moreover their physical body that are too small to be called as form 1 students… such adorable, small, naïve students to be far from family…I wonder how if it in urban area? Will it be just like in rural area??? And sometimes, it makes me confuse as some of them speak kadazan dusun language with me..How am I suppose to know what they are saying if I, myself can’t even speak and understand “Dusun” although I do have “Dusuniest” blood from my mother.

ohh..too small to be called as form 1 and staying at hostel....the blue shirt is one of my student..i guess the smallest of all form 1...

I guess I am being complex….living in a complex mind, complicated emotion…or should I say that I should try to be simple?…living and thinking toward simplicity. Stop being psychobabble or maybe psycho mumble? Sometimes, I wonder…why I choose educator as my passion?. Why don’t I choose stewardess as the first place?…or maybe any other job besides educating people?? That perhaps, I don’t have to worry what dress to wear, no big deal to show some cleavage rather than worrying what clothes suitable with my passion? Does it too sexy to wear this and that since I am an educator? Will I be like this until my last breath? Will I be having a great life like others? Travel all around the world like you don’t need to worry about money for travelling or maybe travel without even touch a single penny as it is F.O.C or maybeticket falls down from the sky? Or maybe, having a great life? Be in a lime light, glamorous, mixing with wealthy people all the time? Drinking wine, having a light dinner at the most luxurious hotel, talking and laughing like so perfectly born to be “perfect” which actually the truth is nobody perfect? Or perhaps, living in worldly, clueless life like there is no heaven existed that you need to scare of God?

I wish I could answer all the quizzical mindset that I have but I’m afraid the future in front of me is too cloudy and blurry to guess….maybe I am greedy? Or maybe selfish to have wishes that how well it is if my life is perfect without a single scar? Or maybe I should questioning myself does all these important to be so self- center of my own??hmmm…. maybe the last question is…should I stop thinking about it like I’ve been brainwashed by a machine and be free from all these complicated emotional turmoil and let only God do the rest for me without even take it as a guessing games for me to keep wonders till death ……??hmmm…..bla bla bla….

happy new year new you

2010-12-31T22:58:00.004+08:00

the clock is ticking and i just need to wait for an hour before the countdown of the new year of 2011..in the same time..my birthday!!!! yay..another one year older and that scares me a lot...perhaps, everyone is with their friends and family...but for me...i'm enjoying my precious moment alone by myself at the moment....perhaps it sounds pathetic and sadistic but actually i enjoy the privacy a lot....i'm enjoying the therapy...the flowers..the dimmed lights..the music and the candle...wow....i've been romantic of my own...yeah i am!!nobody disturbs me with the mood i'm holding on...i feel peace and serenity...wow what a wonderful world.... sooner.. i will having my showers with flowers all over meeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!what a heavenly peace....anyway happy new year everyone!

Demotivated post...

2010-12-30T14:26:00.008+08:00

hmmmm it's a lot of raining lately and i am feeling bored staying at home...but i guess, that is not the point...the point is i feel demotivated lately during this few weeks...perhaps since my car been hit by a truck and now in the process of repairing the damaged. hmmm.. i give a thumb to myself for being so careless...because i know..sometimes i used to be a road bully and it is my own frailty for being like an expert which the truth is i need to be down to earth sometimes when driving but nobody want it to happen right?....ahhahah!that's the honest confession by me.....well, once beaten twice shy i guess and i had learnt my lesson well...

well, Christmas had passed and New Year is on the way to come as i had counted it as 2 days more to go..so do my birthday...!but i'm glad that i had my Christmas presents as well as my advance birthday presents... and thanks to everyone who gaves me all the presents!! loving it so much!muax!!! but i don't even have the mood to celebrate my birthday...and i am lazy...i don't know why maybe because i know it isn't that fun as i have to go back to Kota Marudu during that day but WHAT can i do?...i really have to go back since the next day morning i have to go on duty at school on 2nd January...but nevermind...i better prepare earlier so that i'm not in a rush...ok...forget about that..let's talk about my presents..ekekke..here are all my presents...

my beautiful presents!!!!loving the Christianity stuff!!!

anklet from my sister rebecca...i like it soooo much~

necklace by my bestie..BB..THANKS darlz!!

loving this so much from my BFF...boyfriend forever!ahhahahaha..Thank you for all the sweetest thing that you had made it happens in my life...

dairy planner..i like this!!!! i like the Christianity quotes inside this planner..

uhh i like everything i got from all wonderful people in my life!!!!thank you!!!may God bless u all!!!

sorry if the pictures look blurry.. well, i am so lazy to take out my camera and taking photos since my lappy toppy is now also under construction and borrowing other people's laptop is not the same like using your own belonging..i don't have the mood to take pictures and doing all the USB thingy if i'm borrowing people's laptop...i don't know..the feeling is not there when it wasn't my own private property..so ,I just used my handphone and that's the fastest way to transfer the pictures ...------>> bluethoot!!! yeahhhh!!

i guess everyone looks good with their new hair for new year...but not for me....i plan to curl my hair but it isn't long enough to make it so, i guess i better slow down with the hair transformation first...hmmm....that's all for now i guess....i'm not in the mood of blogging at this moment!......T.T.F.N!!! ta ta for now!

Perfect nightmare of Merry December

2010-12-24T13:31:00.012+08:00

well....here i am...just like what i had promised inside my facebook that i will update my blog sooner..the holilazy thingy really make me feel lazy,unproductive, and sometimes boredom but in the other way round it gives me a new refreshing mind and soul for the coming new year of 2011...there's a lot of things happened to me during the month of December which i haven't post it inside my blog because of certain reason...one of the reason is i'm quite lazy, second reason..my lappy toppy brings problem..i can't even switch on my laptop..i guess it's time to buy the new lappy toppy..but still i am waiting for my free laptop...well, if you can get it for F.O.C why not wait for it? but if that is just a hopeless dream, then i guess i need to come out with my budget to buy my new lappy toppy. third reason..i guess most of my time, i am being a full time driver. bring out my family to kota belud and my sisters to the shopping mall..... fuhh....what a blast holidays of merry December...i guess, i am ready with my new resolution this time...earlier than 1st January 2011..which is my birthday....yeeehaaa..yes i'm celebrating my birthday sooner!!

first new resolution is...i had decorated my room ( the room that i rented in Kota Marudu) from the old fashion and messy look to the new modern style...well, it wasn't perfectly modern look but i guess its better than before...well...this is just for my own therapy as an educator..at least my room gives me some inspiration out of my busy hazy day next year....

this is my room...look so simple especially at the corner of the window....sorry no time to edit the legs...whatever...i'm kind of hurry...

abacadabraa!!!!!!and this is the new look....hmmm i guess ..oklaaa...

hmm.....i guess i am satisfied with the room now....and thanks to my darling Rey for helping me with all the decoration and fulfilling almost of my wishes....what in need to put here...and there...and next year...i will change my new curtain that my mother had made for me.....perfectly like i wanted it to be...thanks mummy!!!.....

so, enough for the room decoration thingy... and let's talk about shopping!!! since i had shopped a lot at KL....i guess i don't need to buy any clothes here in KK...but i do bring my sisters to the shopping mall since they want to go for a shopping and bring my parents to Kota Belud ( my mother's village) since they want to make an open house at kampung on 26th December...so i am the full time driver from Kota kinabalu-Kota belud....Kota Belud -Kota-kinabalu ... it's really tiring as i need a full concentration on my driving....and i guess almost everyday....fuh....what an exhausting week!!!when finally...guess what happen?.. on 22th December, around 6.15 pm, my sisters and i were on our way back to my aunt's house to send them back home...when in the blinking of an eyes my car was been hit by a big truck at Jalan Menggatal Lama.....Jesus Christ..i almost lost my spirit and feel so tingle during the accident!!!!that's the perfect unlucky nightmare!!!....a few days before the accident, i was lucky to pay the car insurance earlier and also the road-tax which expired on 22th December....and during the 22th December 2010...i had an accident which mean i had just changed the road-tax to the new road-tax of 22th December 2011....annndddd...during the accident i was listening to the song title " perfect nightmare" by shontelle...( sorry for my blunder if i type the singer's name wrongly) so..that's the bad luck!!!( buang soi cina cakap)..perhaps that's my glaring mistake of my own frailties.. .....i am running out of time...!and here's the accident....

oh my side mirror...uh uhh

oh God...my baby bluee

during the accident,nobody hurt and i can gasp with thankfulness... but my car was badly damaged ...hmmm... luckily the insurance covered all of it...thank God.... so, i don't have my car at the moment...and i guess when the school open...i need to ask for some help from my friend to send me to Kota Marudu..hmm...i don't know how long i need to wait for the car to be repaired....

so, i don't want to think much at the moment because it gives me a big stress whenever i think about my car..so, i made up my mind to dye my hair by using the Japanese product...." liese"....hmm i like the hair dye and since i don't want it to be very light colour on my hair..so, i just wait for 15 minutes and then wash it! but i like the dye..very easy to use...since it 's just like a shampoo....the result....well..i will post it later on (p/s: sempat lagi mau dye rambut ka?????)....

.sorry ...i am really on the go..i need to go back to kota belud and i haven't pack my bag yet..so got to go now!!!whatever blunders i made or wrong spelling or whatever.....just ignore!!and here are the presents that i had wrapped for my family and i need to bring all of these to Kota Belud!!!i'm just like a Santarina helping the santa clause to send presents to my family!!kekekek!byee!!!!merry christmas everyone!!!!!!!!

A story of a traveller with her rock climbing and illusion??

2010-11-22T23:49:00.004+08:00

Geeee…..!!!!wow…hello to my blog and hello the all the bloggers who read my blog…. yeah as if?? Sometimes, I’m quizzically confused what is the purpose of my blog…to share a story and a piece of my mind? Or bullshitting with my lousy and dreadful story?or am I just the castling in the air pretending like someone is reading my blog which actually nobody or else I am perpetually writing a lacklustre of my obnoxious, crappy story???uhhh..i am totally out of ideas …honestly speaking…I am a bad blogger..!! Sometimes, I do have a devil intention to delete my blog as I always keep it ancient and useless…ohhh what a bad blogger I am…!!i hope I still have the spirit to keep activating my blog often…yes I hope….gosh!!what a holilazy me! I’ve been hoping this sin
ce early January I guess but…the truth is I am still make it drab..

But during the lazy hazy things…I am so happy to spend my holidays with some activities. Especially the activities that I haven’t try yet for the rest of my life…what a pathetic me…! But, I am a person who loves to discovery new things in life and I am a person who appreciate every single memories that I had as for a lifetime…living my life to the fullest and never regret whatever had passes me by… perhaps, the way I perceive things in front of me is different but that’s the way I am. I don’t care what people perception on the way my senses of viewing things but I always keep this as my life quote.. “ enjoy ur life, enjoy the stumble and fall, enjoy every opportunity ahead and never let it go or else you might regret for not keep holding on it and there is no way you can turn back the time but to keep regretting what you have missed !”..duh…that’s my own personal quote!…..so, that’s what I’m doing now… enjoying every opportunity that I had to the most memorable experience of a lifetime…hmmm…there’s a lot of goal I haven’t reaching it yet….and I wish here’s more to come…!

So, here it goes…rock climbing…location, likas…paying for RM 18 as the first timer. Actually it suppose to be RM 20 but, we are lucky to be listed under the student price…waaaaa I loikeeeeee!!...ok back to the main point, maybe I’m the last person to try this activity but I am happy to give it a try…! Honestly speaking, I’m not good with sport and I am not as energetic as others, but I like to try rather than never for the rest of my life…well, it was fun during the day and I was feeling so exhausted especially my arms and biceps….it was not as easy as what I imagine…you need strategy and physical stamina to climb the rock…but it was hilarious and challenging as well as I feel de-stress… I guess I need to give it a try for the next week to come…. And perhaps flying fox?hmm…or else rafting??ohh..i really need to try that later…!by the way, I’m glad to have a friend who active in sport even though I know that I’m too girly sometimes..ahahha..but I can be flexible..hahah!

But in every single experience I had, I know it comes from God, and I am thankful for been given a chance to enjoy my every single life even sometimes, life is like a bed of roses, full of thorns, that might hurt you for a while and give you a scar to remember but in every thorn that makes the hand bleeding, it gives us its own sweet pain as a memory! Which finally in the end of our last breathe, we know how precious and beautiful the life journey we have gone through… yay.. I am truly a life blogger I guess!!ahhahahh….

Well,forget about all the flowery words I mention before, but hey, I am so excited to go for a shopping in KL!!!not about shopping 100% but to have a different environment for a while!!!hmmm 1 more day to!!!yeppie!!! before I start doodling with all the nonsense things..i guess I better stop it here….so, GTG!! I beg my blunder for making everything in T.M.I ( To Much Information)!!!!!

I find PEACE in You..

2010-11-10T10:32:00.002+08:00

Well, such a lazy woman I am! For letting my blog to be ancient and out dated….I guess I almost forgotten my my blog..the place that I keep sharing my though, my mind and my feeling…but now…I guess everything seems to be lacklustre as i always on the go with all my workload and the countless joy that I had been through until it had been complicated for me to share it everything or in details about it….but, perhaps, today I feel like I want to share my feeling and my mind toward something…

Last week, I had gone to Kaingaran , Tambunan…a place for Christian retreat…and it was far from hustle and bustle which it gives me peace and serenity….out of complication but simplicity of the nature and meditation…I felt peace in the presence of God…and the most precious part, I felt the Love Of God pouring in me…well, perhaps it sounds weird for me to speak like a wise person which actually I wasn’t but I had felt the love and the touched of God…and the most wonderful gift that money couldn’t buy with everything in this world which was… the gift of God… praise to God!....

Everything seems to be very simple, no coverage, the place is in the middle of no where, the sound of birds chipping, the fresh and nicest view…super duper simple! …but wonderful….the food we ate, were just a very simple meals but I didn’t know why I felt so desirable with all the food that had been served…and everything tasted so good…but when I went back to KK…even the chicken wing doesn’t taste as good as the simple food that been served at Kaingaran…weird huh? Or else..i am the one who don’t have the appetite to eat now…hmmm…whatever…

But out of the love and every wonderful part that I had been through, I do have silent sadness from the bottom of my heart…how I wish I wasn’t the only one who felt it…how I wish if all the person I love ( my family and my love one) were there…and how I wish if whatever I felt during the time, they also felt it….i hope there will be “next time” …maybe not during that day but next time…and I hope I am not the only one no more,,,,

The silent hatred.. perhaps…

2010-10-04T00:08:00.003+08:00

Correct my blunder if I might making a mistake here…proof me wrong if perhaps, I am just making a drama here….but, I know, my instinct never lie to me as I keep having the instinct that there’s a silent hatred around me by someone, somebody even perhaps just a little tiny hatred... The glaring eyes when someone sees me ….hmm I can feel it…I am totally can feel it…

Well, I don’t care if that is totally a hatred inside you because of my action which sometimes, I being very scarstic, hash or perhaps I am totally lazy to give a chat with your irrelevant questions but sometimes, that is totally annoying me…well, honestly speaking dude....i had gave my humble apology to you bygones be bygones, so if let say there is still a hatred in you..i guess, the problem is not coming from me, but you are the person who are having a broken silent of your own frailty… if let say, this is my pay back time that you are actually planning to do so, let it be, do whatever makes you feel satisfy with that…because, I don’t have any problem with you …but it is you who are having problem of your hidden emotional turmoil….

So, the best way..for such a person like that is……ignorance…..let time be a great healer…duhhh….what a waste...

I still don't get it!

2010-10-01T09:19:00.005+08:00

Finally…I’m blogging again after been so long I haven’t post anything…perhaps, honestly speaking I am totally lazy…actually there’s a lot of things to be shared but because of my laziness…so that’s it…holilazy fiona!!I already got my salary but, not to say I’m greedy and pessimistic but I guess there was something wrong about it as we supposed to get extra RM 700…compared to all my friends from other school whether at Tawau or the school nearby…we still left RM 700!!!GOSH!!!i hate it…!! RM700 is a lot! I can use it for my car’s month payment you know!hmmm…..i hope everything will be settle ASAP, by hook or by crook! Oh God…I can see….Money is the root of all evil!! Jesus have mercy on me!....hahahha…. hmmm….since I got my salary…hmm…I guess I haven’t buy all the things on my mind yet…hmmm…most of the salary transferred to PTPTN, Visa, rent house, car, broadband, electrical and phone bill, my siblings, my parents, and lastly the balanced left for myself…but still I am aiming for my lappy toppy and my products!!gosh!! Its not easy to be woman!!!ahhaha….no shopping no cry!! But it’s good to stay at the rural area…at least I can reduce my shopaholic!..hahahah!hmmm…I’m wondering when will I go for traveling? I wonder…..Hmmm….i guess I still need to adapt with the school environment especially in terms of communication with other teachers …sometimes, it’s weird to see a schematic ways of communication, here at school….hmmm…I need an open minded socialization… but yet, I don’t get it…but just the schematic socialization…hmmm….well, that’s it! “ when in Rome, do as Romans do…, so now I’m in KM…so do like the KMs do…... i am still in the process of adaptation...may God Bless me..

expression

2010-09-05T08:54:00.008+08:00

when the time has come...that always be me who's standing outside n waiting.....when the time to say goodbye....that always be me who stand and and watch people waying their hands...that will always be me...who come alone and will always going back alone.... Waited like a day but everything ends just for a couple of hours....when finally that is always me...who walk home alone....sometimes i wonder....does justice exists for me when it comes to this matter?how i wish if i'm the one can feel what others feel instead of making what people feel when they being appreciated and feel the warm welcoming...sometime i wonder..if i dare to go to the furtherest place just to please someone,will others dare to go to the furtherest place that i had been sending to and drop by to see how's my condition there?...maybe my day is not today but perhaps someday....i know....i will always walk alone in a silent mode...who am i to judge?who am i to express the deepest feeling .......because i am nobody.....

~I made it to The Tip of Borneo~

2010-08-31T21:49:00.009+08:00

Tanjung Simpang Mengayau

Finally, here I am again….everyday is another new day and every journey is another story of a lifetime… for my entire life, I never thought that I will be coming to Kota Marudu and so do Kudat… I never ever plan that I will step my feet to both of these area…but, perhaps, that is the will of God and every journey I’m heading too, will give me a countless of memories of a lifetime ever….maybe, this is another reason why I’ve been posted to Kota Marudu…maybe, instead of educating people, God wants to give me the most precious journey that I could never imagine for the rest of my life…that’s it…every path and ever step we made, means for something that we might not know what is the hidden meaning, but in every step we made, give us a new adventure to be discovered…..and finally, I made it to the tip of Borneo which is” Tanjung Simpang Magayau”…. Praise to the Lord!!!How wonderful is his creation! Perhaps, I’m the last person to go to Simpang Mengayau but honestly from me, that is the most beautiful beach that I ever seen for the rest of my entire life. It feels like I’m almost half way to heaven… seeing the most beautiful beach, impress me of the uniqueness of God’s Creation. Hmmm…. I wonder what’s next????kekkeke The most beautiful beach for my entire life Guess what?? I am here….!!!

Our tourist guide, Cikgu Larry..wkaakka!God bless you!

Me and aza.

How do I look? Do you think I still do good with my pose?hahaha

What a wonderful world!!!!!

Besides seeing the most beautiful Simpang Mengayau… I am so thankful to God for giving me a wonderful, great friendship…in my mind, I thought, nobody will visit me here, but hey, wait a minute….i’m glad that Halianie and especially Helmi, who willing to drive from Kota Belud to Kota Marudu to me us, halianie and me!!oh I am so touch with that! Praise to the Lord ,one more time for giving me a wonderful friendship!!!!!

My ex-cosmorian…..geng joyah!yeah hello my friends…we meet again!

Well I guess that’s all for now…I’m having a great merdeka day today….hmmm I feel exhausted…till we meet again….adios!

~Missing the angels’ voices~

2010-08-29T17:31:00.003+08:00

I miss the angels’ voices… I miss the cell group so much…. When I was in church, it kept reminded me of the angels’voices… voices that I never heard as sweet as the melody flows like a river flowing in one direction in my entire life.. how I wish if I can remember and hear it again whispering in my ears…it reminded how heavy I cried, how heartache I was before, the pain that I kept for such a very long time to be vanished… when I was lost and almost dying as it will be the ending of my true and honest perception…. But … I’m glad I have awakened from being meaningless and now…I know I am reborn…reborn from the new mind and soul….

I miss the angels’ voices…I miss everything and I miss it…….and I know I will hear the angels’ voices again…

A walk to remember (PART 2)

2010-08-22T22:03:00.014+08:00

Life is a journey of a lifetime, a journey that means so much from the day we were born until the day we say goodbye to everyone in this world… journey… a simple word but with meaningful abstract and countless stories to be share forever…and so do my own journey here, in Kota Marudu…my very first step with fear coming to a new environment, new thought and innocent perception of everything….driving alone by myself, packed all my belonging alone and making a footprint to the place called “Kota Marudu” really scares me a lot. I feel so alienated for the first time I step my feet to the place and homesick with a thousand hesitation almost with everything…but, now that I had been there for a month, everything back to normal and I don’t feel homesick anymore but I do miss everyone for sure….new place and new workplace, for the time being, I feel far more lay back compare to my previous workplace before…going to work for a half day, moreover, during the fasting month at 5pm…really make me feel distress and relax a little while…but still, I do feel a bit insecure because there’s always strangers knocking the door with many excuses which scare and make me feel doubt. I don’t trust anybody here especially strangers who knock the door at my house, the place that I am staying now. They seem to be very suspicious to me…

But out of that, I feel glad as I have the chances to meet my ex-colleague, Halianie, who is originally from Kota Marudu. Meeting her makes me feel that I miss everyone at Cosmopoint College…no other colleagues are as sporting as them..i can feel the family there and I feel the love of friendship… and it will remains in my mind and memories forever…so, talk about my day going to Halianie’s place at KG. Mangkalua, really a great journey…at first, I do feel regret for offering to send her back to her house as the road is not in a good condition after hang out with her a little while at “ Pekan Bandau”…OMG!! I couldn’t believe my eyes that my baby (my car) has actually driven to a small and bad condition of road. I wondered who the YB there was…??? Crapt!! Duhh…. But once we arrived, I was felt relief…the misery had ended for a little while…yeah just a little while…

This is the road not taken…ya totally…don’t take this road ever!wakkakak!

Look at my car’s tyre… damn!!!!

But hey.. it was fun!!!! I saw a piggy running freely at that village and I was actually planning to take a picture of the piggy closer…but it was totally dreadful…the piggy seems to scare me and run away!duhhhhhh….how I wish I could grabbed the cute little black piggy and took a picture…surely my facebook will be doom!!hahahha…duh…Fiona, in your dream!hahha…nevermind….

Chasing the piggy….the piggies are running away!!yay!!

Well, the weather wasn’t good enough for a walked as it seemed to be gloomy in the afternoon but still, I was lucky as my friend brought me to “Pusat Perikanan”…I didn’t know the exact named of that place…but it was totally awesome…the view was really nice and beautiful……it was a new experience went to that place and there were a lot of giant fishes that I never saw right in front of me alive!....wow!!totally huge!!!

Look at the bridge!!!london bridge is falling down!!hahhah it looks like drowning!!

Wow….i need to balance my body or else I might fall!!

Yay what a big fish!!!

The beautiful side…nice viewwwww…..!!!!!!!!!

Nitezzz everyone..!!

The next day…we went to St. Andrew’s Chapel…smaller church than usual…it would said that this was my very first time to this chapel..the moment I entered the chapel..i was totally numb and my eyes couldn’t stop looking every corner if the chapel…what do you expect? Up town girl who never go to down town…really made me felt impressed as well as like the “jakuniess”…jakun bin palauh!!!...in my mind, I was asking myself…hmmmm what a small plain chapel..i wonder how they lived here??? What were the differences between this chapel than any other church that I ever went??hmmmm…. but one thing that I had learnt was……perhaps, I know one of the reason why I was here in Kota Marudu…I learnt a valuable lesson that I couldn’t get anywhere…. I learnt something special about the mass that christians’ always went for prayers.. I do agreed that most of Christians’ went to church because it was their responsibility to pray to God but they never know what actually the value of the “journey of Mass” and I had found it myself…it was really impressed me…I almost looked down at the small, rural area’s chapel which was lack of facilities but finally I was telling myself… how wonderful was this chapel as I had found one great lesson that I couldn’t get even in a big famous Church….and I never expected that I found the lesson here…in this small chapel…Praise to the Lord!

Sunday school???

On our way back home, we dropped by to one nameless house that I never knew who was actually the owner of the house….it was actually one small “ gerai”….” Gerai mee sup RM 1 only”….one more time..i couldn’t believe my eyes …..that house was actually produced a very nice meee suppp that I never taste as that delicious!!!! Oh my jesus!! What a wonderful world!!!ahhahaha……awesome!!!

The condition of the “ gerai mee sup”…5 minutes from Halianie’s house…dekat jak ba tuuuu……

Yeah….that's the house….believe meee…

(Before)….hmmmm….rm 1 only?? Sedap ka ni??hmmm tapi mcm nampak sedap…

and (After)….gilakkkkk ehhhhh…punya sedapppp gilakkkkkkkkkk!!!!!!

Random post..

2010-08-18T09:00:00.003+08:00

Last Saturday, another wedding reception to go….which was my brother’s wedding..gee..after my cousin’s wedding and now my own brother…what a hectic day since I had to go back to Kota Kinabalu on Friday afternoon alone by myself from Kota Marudu. I felt so under go!! And it was exhausting!

Hmmm….well, seeing my brother got married, realizing me that life is so short….i couldn’t believe my eyes that finally someone from my own family had tie a not . From the moment my brother and my sister in law were officially became husband and wife, it reminded me of my childhood with my brother….the moment we been so childish, naughty as well as innocent with everything…and what we only could thought of, what we needed to play next, for tomorrow… but now, it seems that everything is moving so fast…faster that I could imagine….

Finally, marriage is the next step to enrich the memories of a lifetime…well, that’s it…a good marriage is on which allows for change and growth in the individuals and in the way they express their love…..from thin to fat!wakakakak

one more thing…I had passed the Pegawai Tadbir Diplomatik, and now I’m in a finally stage which is interview session…but, I don’t know if I will go or the opposite side....whoever pass the finally stage, it will be 2 years contract….so, I’m doubt if it’s contract…what will happen next? If I’m lucky…that’s good..but if I am not??what will happen to me?? Or should I just stick with my GSST??Hmmm….any opinion??.

cuzzy's wedding

2010-08-11T08:23:00.004+08:00

Finally…here I am again…after been on the go with my works at school and also during my cousin’s wedding…my first cousin’s wedding I mean…well, there’s nothing much to say about that but I guess by putting some pictures here can create thousand of meaning…what can I say…hmm everything seem to be very exhausting and packed with a bunch of workloads…geee…I am totally exhausted….

But, It was a lovely day to see my cousin finally got married….uhhh I feel life is running faster than I imagine….sometimes, it makes me realize that I am getting older year by year and finally marriage will be coming up next in the future…seeing my cousin’s wedding really reminds me of our childhood…running, playing, having fun as there’s no hardship and responsibility… how I wish if I can turn back the time….i miss that moment where I don’t have to think of anything except enjoying life to the fullest and play with my childhood friends….

Hmm…let the pictures express everything... I am damn superbly exhausted! I feel like…I can’t even type and think anything at the moment…my mind is stuck and my body feels weaker….gosh!!

Here is the lovely couple…

Well….i’m like a bridesmaid that never a bride..ahahah…kidding!

Hmm….all cousins and aunties..geee!!ahahha

My cousin and i…

Well….i’m glad I have aunties that love taking photo….hahhahah

I need a new lappy toppy!

2010-08-02T10:08:00.002+08:00

Wake up early in the morning is one of the most exciting things to do lately…just as I woke up , I perpetually will open my laptop and breakfast with my facebook…hahha..yeah “breakfast”….the correct word to describe for my ecstatic expression toward the facebook.. duh what so special with that? The answer is actually..nothing…I don’t know..since I don’t have anything to do here and not even can’t watch television, so my lappy toppy is my everything here….watching movie, listening to the radio and also doing my school work..everything depending on my old laptop that seems to be almost dying in a few months ahead…gosh! I really need a new laptop as soon as I get my salary…ehehe..i can’t even press the “ENTER” button since I guess it was broken…how pathetic!!

Not only that, I guess..there are countless of virus inside this laptop..even after formatting the laptop but it still dissatisfying me and it seems to be in the doldrums condition…I guess it’s time to buy a new one…i’m craving for the netbook…the small flexible lappy toppy that I can carry everywhere…kekek…now, I am castling in the air…hmmm…. What laptop should I buy?? I wonder what?? hmmmmmmmm…..

New Stranger… weird but true..

2010-07-30T22:46:00.003+08:00

Have you ever experience strange thing happens around you? It does happen to me now…and perhaps it does really make me feel spooky and in the same time I feel so strange and I’m wondering…..

Well, when I was in Cosmopoint College, I do have my Guppies ( a species of fish) on my table…actually it was given by my colleague and along my everyday life in college, I used to feed the fish almost everyday until it gives birth for about third generation..can you imagine that?? Duh…..but, I made my decision not to take care the guppies anymore but just to take the babies as my very own pet…so, I have 6 guppies all together. Still babies and the newbie for my own aquarium….so, once I’ve got my posting to Kota Marudu, I made my decision to bring them along with me but along the journey to Kota Marudu…one of my baby guppy was dead…so, now I have 5 guppies left with me….hmmm…

But the strange THINGS is, how do u feel when you have 5 guppies that you had count on Saturday when out of the blue the next day it becomes 6 guppies? Doesn’t it sound weird or perhaps makes your hair stand straight?well…that is what happen to me now…I don’t know how come or since when all this happened..but along the journey, and everyday I always count that I have 5 guppies altogether with me…until I moved to the rented house, I still counted that I have 5 guppies with me…when in the next day, one of my housmate’s boyfriend told me that I miscounting my guppies where they were 6 of them altogether…but still, I just ignored him since I was really on the go during these few days…when finally today, I was cleaning the fish tank and I found out there were 6 guppies altogether… but, how come it becomes 6??i still wondering….i don’t think my babies guppies produce one more fish as all of my guppies were actually still a baby??so, from where is the other one comes from???? Scary and spooky….i am so quizzically blur and it makes me feel spooky……………………………any idea??

2 days jobless

2010-07-18T00:09:00.009+08:00

Well, 16^th July 2010… my official day of being a jobless woman..no teaching..no students….no workload… and no nothing….the moment I woke up in the morning, I have a weird feeling of being free….freedom in terms of out all the workload and responsibility …I felt my brain was empty…nothing to think of but just enjoyed the day to the fullest…of course deep down inside my heart beats, I do missed everything at Cosmopoint College… all the memories and friendship that painted my day with joyful and wonderful moment that I will keep them forever….so, back to the old story….i was being greedy for a reason especially when it comes to enjoyment of my life to the fullest..i missed the moment when I was a university student and now I can feel it back..!!!so, what a holilazy!!! And well Fiona, welcome to the world of laziness and paint the town red before you will have the new responsibility ahead!.. That’s what my heart’s says….

So, what are u waiting for? I gave a jingle to my cousin yesterday and asked her if she interested to watch a movie…yes! Finally….it was time for movie…but wait a minute…??are you asking me to watch Eclipse?? Again?? Nahh..not againnnn….duh… although I had watched it before…but, for my cousin’s sake…so, I accompanied her to watched it AGAIN….hmm…well, nevermind as long as I was doing something that being unproductive at home…well, I am enjoying every precious moment that i have now…hehhe i

what a nice surrounding..how i wish i can find something like that here..ehehhe.. and today, another journey of my holilazy stuff!!ahhaha.. I went to Pace Bene, Papar for a retreat..well, that was my very first time went to that place but it was totally lovely…far from hustle and bustle , beautiful scenery, a little of haze as well as the fresh air….what a day!! How I wish I will be posted somewhere like that kind of location….such a nice and beautiful scenery..that was totally awesome! But of course, the main reason I went there not just to see the view but in the same time, I do miss God so much and the reason I was there, because of him and not because of someone…or anyone…so, I was actually coming to Pace Bane for a right intention… and I guess I learnt something…heheh…but of course I managed to take some beautiful pictures as my own remembrance …

Guess what! Since I had brought some guppies with me from the office…the baby guppies I mean..ekek…I had gave them a nice home to swim…well, I made up my mind to have my own pet at home which were the guppies!!! Hmm….i was still having a little doubt with everything at the moment…it was harder than I thought not knowing the certainty out of uncertainty…my question still doubted me twice…where will I be posted??? Hmm..whatever it might be… I guess, just let God do the rest according to his wills..but still, I am preparing mentally and physically regarding to the place that I will be posted soon… even in a “jungle of hope”..ahhaha…but, I guess, every journey means for something and adventurous of a lifetime….this is the place for my guppies and here i am...still enjoying my life to the fullest even i'm at home...

The Journey of my life.....

2010-07-16T10:22:00.009+08:00

Life is like a river, it flows softly by the grace of God for the wonderful precious mother earth he gave us.. so do the journey of life that we never stop focusing on and keep asking the unknown journey ahead…but as the saying goes, tomorrow will care for itself, so face it and get ready with every possibility..…Sometimes, there may a time that we get through the hardest journey that we only take one step a time but, we must keep on stepping as the smallest step we made is actually the beginning of a great journey.. And that’s what I am heading to…my journey that enrich with colourful rainbows of life as well as the sweet and the bitter of life....but, that make me the richest person to have a meaningful life…I am so happy to have a great journey in my life…from the day I was born, I fell and I rose again. I learnt the pain and I learnt the sweetness of life as we all never stopped from learning until today…when I was being a students, I learnt a valuable friendship, I learnt a new things, I learnt to love and I learnt the heartache of broken hearted but other side of it, I felt the journey of being a student…enjoying life to the fullest but of course avoided myself from the dark side of evil ( negative stuff) , and that makes everything complete as well as I never regret anything during my life as a student.

But after finished my studies, I learnt a lesson that life doesn’t like a fairy tales story that everything will ends with happily every after..there was a time I felt so lost, so clueless, shatter, and almost gave up with all the stumbling block throughout my journey…but I was not the only one who felt the hardship but so do all my bestie, searching for a job without any experience to the line that we took, were a great milestones for us but I was happy to be surrounded by wonderful friends who kept encouraged me and supported me…or in a better way to say friend who shares is a friend who cares…and that was the most valuable lesson I’ve learnt….even there was a silent sadness, emotional turmoil at the same time and clueless life, but I was thankful to feel the limelight of a fashion world…it started since I was a university students until I had finished my studies as a Unitarian…the most beautiful and hilarious journey that I will keep for my entire life…meeting new people, experience the broadcasting, walked up in a runaway and even fell from the runaway.. I felt the joyous day and felt the fiasco day at a time… that seems to make everything complete as one…

Now, finally, here I am ….stepping my foot to Cosmopoint College…another new journey begins as I’ve learnt many new stuffs that I couldn’t imagine it…enhancing my teaching profession which was totally out of runaway world….meeting new students every semesters as well as new environment of a career world seems to be horrendous…but, the inner part of it, I learnt another valuable of friendship from different ages of people or else I would say, people from all walks of life… I learnt a lot from nothing to something… besides, teaching the students, it helped me with my passion and helped me to learn something which in the same time, I needed to understand my students and tried to click with the way they perceived their own cognitive thinking. I’ve learnt that every student was unique in their own way, and I needed to attract them to learn something new and think out of the box. Hmmm…well, I didn’t know if I managed to improve my teaching and psychological skills but I had tried my very best to educate the students as well as motivated them….and the lesson I’ve learnt was, instead of teaching…we need to understand them as a person, motivate them, feel them and love them for who they are. On the other hand, maybe there’s an abstract meaning why I was been in Cosmopoint almost a year that I kept searching the answers..perhaps, that was the God’s will why I was here, .. The answer was. to find the real me… to know that the love of God still presence in me… as I was kind of lost before this… but now, I can feel that I am far happier than before…!!!amen….i guess that’s the reason of the entire journey that I keep stepping on but I am so glad to have the precious journey that no one can ever had…and today, I am resigning at Cosmopoint, perhaps by the will of God …I’ve got something that I eagerly want to know and I had known the answered..because of that, maybe that’s why God gives me the journey in Cosmopoint ends until here when finally I’ve got another better offer….this is something unexpected that I never ever had in mind but every opportunity that is in front of me, I will never just glance at it but grab it while I still can…I’ve finally got the posting for GST ( Guru Sandaran Terlatih)…and the location will be somewhere here in sabah…but the exact venue is still quizzical…but as soon as I know the exact location…don’t worry I will spread the good news sooner…..

So, I guess.. this is the new beginning for my next journey…and honestly from me, I never know what is in front of my way, but I do believe that every road that taken, means for something…it is all up to us whether to step the road that everyone takes or step to the road that still grassy and wanted wear.. Well, I am referring to the “road not taken” by Robert Frost as I keep the poem as my principle of life…what a long post!!! Till then and take care!

I dream of dreams…

2010-06-26T23:53:00.003+08:00

"i never been so sure of everything in my life and the journey that i'm heading now is just like an adventurous dream. But in every quizzical dream, i know, far from above, god has a great plan for me.." -honestly from me-

Apologize for my shocking post after been so quietly missing in action with the blogging world…ekeke…well, I can’t believe that I am writing something here inside my own blog that i had neglecting it for such a long time because of certain purposes as well as because of my laziness…geee….that’s seems to be lackluster excuses…

Well, how should I start?hmm….there were a lot of things happened for the past 3 or couple of months ago after I left this blog quite a long time… a lot of quizzical, quandary and perhaps a glaring mistake in my life that makes me still looking for the answers of everything that perhaps, I will never know the answer as in forever… but I do believe that, there will be a great things happen in my life in the future…

Now, I feel like I am in the healing process….i am near to God’s presence and I find peace in him….all the silent sadness, silent rebellion, as well as silent heartache that I kept before gone just in the blinking of an eyes… and how wonderful it was to find the real peace of life….lately, I am activating myself with all the Christianity things and I can feel that there’s an angel surrounds me….i am so glad that I ever heard a very beautiful and heavenly melody of songs singing by an angel…perhaps it’s sounds crazy but that’s what I am holding now in my life…eventhough, to be in an honestly speaking, as a human being that always makes mistake, sometimes, I feel bad when I have to say “No” rather than “yes” in everything but I don’t want to lie to myself or to please someone just to make them happy but not for me, myself…I know I am selfish in certain areas of my attitude …but, I guess I am more to self-center whatever it comes to decision-making. Sometimes, whatever decision I made, I made it because I want it and that’s the truth from me…even I am getting active with all the cell group in church but still, I feel bad to say “no” sometimes….. but I guess I am more on following my heart’s whisper…. But still, I am so happy since the day I start activating myself with all the spiritual needs…because I really need it in my life….

But, the question is still a question in my life… I never been so sure of anything in my life and I never been sure what actually God’s plan for me… what I can do now is…perhaps, just follow his will… but deep in my heart, I can feel something good will happen in my life… geeeee…..i’m being an emotional person lately…duhhh…

There’s nothing else inside my blog but only a question mark that I hope I can find the answer sooner…I always feel that people pass me by and continue their nice journey…and I always feel I’m the last person in everything I do… and sometimes, I feel like I’m the last person to be cared and to be missed… but I believe with only this words “ those who last, will be the first”…….amen…

I wonder...

2010-05-18T21:47:00.001+08:00

I wonder if the word suits me is missed?

I wonder if another words is am I still special?

I wonder if the word understandable is still mine?

I wonder if everything seems to be like the last time?

I wonder…I wonder…

But the haze is so thick to be vanishing from my view.

I wish the rain will fall and vanish everything that blocking the perfect view,

Because I can’t see the path I’m heading to..

Take my hand and walk with me….

Because I’m lost in this clueless life too…..

~honestly from me~

I Find Peace

2010-05-12T22:31:00.002+08:00

I believe, the greatest things that happens starts from the very smallest things.. and I believe that happiness is not based on the smiles of the people but the sincerity of the heart that shows the whole concept of happiness.. like my everyday life….there will be the time that I find peace, happiness, joy and so do the other side of it… and that’s what we called it as the sweet and sour of life.

But I’m glad out of the busiest and stressful day, I manage to find a simple peace from the smallest fish that I have in office.. well, actually my colleague gave me the fish ( guppy species )… well, to be honest, I don’t know how to take care of the fish but I’m glad that now, I have some knowledge about it… duh… but, at least that makes me de-stress watching the fish… what a therapy!it is really a good therapy for me I guess!

Besides of it, I feel so peaceful when my other colleague also invited me to go for the church prayer… gosh!!! For the very first time, I heard a song sang very beautifully like the angles are all around me!! And I guess, I am longing for that peace…the peaceful heart of the clueless soul of mine..hmmmm….i don’t know what am I mumbling about…but I can feel that I am making my life richer and memorable with different activities that I had…duh speechless!!and no idea what to write!

anywhere..this is some of the activities i did lately...

Futsal!!!

that is me.. at the middle with the sign of " ? " hahha...i'm lost in this clueless world!kekkeke

Mother’s Day and lonely me…

2010-05-09T20:00:00.003+08:00

Today is mother’s day… everyone seems to celebrate that except me I guess.. all alone from the minute I wake up early in the morning..going to the church alone…, and go to the shopping mall alone by myself, shopping for a new dresses…well, that’s the retail therapy..

How I wish I was with my family.. Buying cakes for my mother and celebrating the Mother’s Day with my siblings…my crazy little sisters all together at home like what we used to do before.. I can imagine that… but that was only an imagination. What can I do?? I was not there in my hometown? all I can do is just made a jingle and called my mum wishing her “happy mother’s day” simple word but full of endless meaning… the truth is…I’m here alone… no one at home when I went back at 3pm… and it was a heavy raining day…. Eating my Maggie as my lunch+dinner…all alone…and now laying on my bed, typing these to put inside my blog….but, even today seems to be so quite day for me but deep in my heart I can feel I am close at home….Happy Mother’s Day to my mum and to all mothers out there!! Thanks, mum. for creating me as a wonderful creatures!

Blast weekend!

2010-05-02T22:26:00.009+08:00

I guess it was almost 1 month I didn’t post anything here..well, like I said before…it was a holilazy kind of things and my bad habit of being a lazy blogger is on now…duh……ehehhe. But I am quite happy lately as I had more time pamper myself with food, shopping as my retail therapy, hang out with my bestie, meeting some of my old friends as well as doing a crazy wacky Friday night! That was totally awesome… but, sometimes, I wondering did I do all this things because I’m happy or because I want to ease the sadness or else because of missing someone badly…?? …but I hope I’m not the only one feel this way..…

Well, last Friday was an awesome day, I had my futsal and right after that continued my journey hangout with my friend in Upperstar, Lintas..as he bought be a dinner..ahahah!! I hope I was not bullying him on that day! But at least hang out with my friend makes me de-stress with all the workload in the office for having a boring day everyday..ekkeke…anyway, the food in Upperstar really made me felt full! Thank God! At first, I didn’t even plan anything as I guess hang out with friend in Lintas will be the best way, but then, we made a decision to go to Q- Bar!!ooohhhhh noo wayyyyyy!!!!hahha..but, since that was the only place that I really wondered to go..so, why not? I was taking a risk I guess!! hahha…

at first, just as we entered the place, oh God I felt so scared as all the masculine guys all over the place!! Some of them really look like hunk, macho, handsome as well as softy..ehehhe well, what do you expected? If that’s the place called Q-Bar.. ( place for gay man) but it was not all about gay things as there were straight person also went there like me.hahah..i guess they all enjoyed the place and perhaps some had a same though like mine.. Curiousity was the answer!…oh Fiona!! You’re really taking the risk..!i was just hopping nothing going to happened.. but hey, I do enjoyed the place and it was a great show!! Show from the ‘shemale’ but they dance totally great!ahahahha!!! Believe me! But, we went out earlier than everyone for our own safety..hahah..geee.. why I was so scared…ahahah. Perhaps that was my first time..let’s make it this way… that will be my first and the last for the rest of my life.ehhehe

the show during that day..."shemale" but they are good with dancing!!

The next day, I was glad to meet my friend BB, as we went for our retail therapy and attending to a light party because one of my friend was opening an academy… “ Olumis Fashion & Art Academy” in Lintas….a new academy for fashion designer …who love designing..

i've got a gift..eheheh..

i miss this dress so much!!!!!!

me, elaina and girl...

And the today… the rest of my day…I went to citymall and bought one pair of shoes, bought some from grocery, as well as buying some sport wear..ekekke…I’m planning to keep fit by doing exercises such as futsal or else jogging… if I might have no friend to go for a jog…it’s ok..i’ll go alone..ekekke…I am getting used with that!..:)

Lazy post

2010-04-26T23:19:00.003+08:00

geee...!! i can feel the laziness of updating my blog...i don't know why...i feel like i'm lazy to post anything even though there are some great news to be share.....

i need the mood to keep on blogging...duh....can't really find it yet...ohhh what a lazy me!hmmmm...

101 Thoughts

2010-04-17T20:36:00.006+08:00

101 thought

I am just an ordinary girl,

Living in a clueless world,

I might be a person, with the patience I care,

But try my patience if you dare..

Honest with me as I honest to you,

Love me as I do love you,

I might be a person, lovable and easily hurt

So, never betray me, never ever of my honest heart…

Even we're separated with coast to coast,

Understand me, cause nothing going to cost,

Feel me here, as I do miss you not,

And always please, remember me not.

Sometimes I fear, anger, and also doubtful dear,

As distance never try to feels me here,

Oh how dreadful to keep counting the day,

As it makes me always with my quandary day.

So, to you my lovable dear,

I miss your lovable here,

Make me feel you, and smile again,

So that I feel no pain no gain.

honestly from me:

- fiona-

Expressions of eggs

2010-04-14T15:53:00.006+08:00

finally....i finished all my workload that really makes me feel dizzy.. and i guess...it's time to layback for a while and look at this funny expressions of the eggs

Glaring mistake

2010-04-01T11:23:00.003+08:00

Sometimes, I don’t know what actually is going on with me…lately, I guess, I do a lot of thinking out of my busiest day and my happiest day with my friends around me. Perhaps, I have problem or personal problem with myself. Or else, perhaps life is totally change my life and the way I’m thinking….sometimes, how I wish I am still a student with no burden from any other things to settle with. But, for sure, there’s no turning back of the time and I need to be stronger to face all the uncertainty in front of the road that I am heading to.

I had done many assignments.. I mean not my own assignments but others. Sometimes, deep in my heart, how I wish I am better than them...i don’t have to stress myself with a bunch of workload but just asking others to settle it for me. ..but, everything seems to be the other way around…I have to do peoples’ assignment just to get some extra pocket money to improve my own living. For me, nothing is enough right now and I need to save money as much as I can for my future… now I know… work is not as easy as it use to be…and that’s what people says “stand on your own feet then you know what does it feels”….hmmm…perhaps, I am the one that make my own life complicated…or maybe because I’m too ambitious and impatience to wait everything to be fruitful and how I wish everything can be in sprinting mode.

There’s an evil side of me…sometimes, I envy with my friends surreptitiously…of course, in every success there must be a hard work but me,. even how hard I try I’m not in the path of the easiest road to step on, as there must be a stumble and fall. And perhaps, that’s what life chooses for me…but still I need to motivate myself to be patient…

I want people to care and love me more and sometimes, I’m not even appreciate the single love that being pour to me…and sometimes, I always feel that It isn’t good enough as I expecting more… but then I realized, what for I ask from people to love me more if I, myself don’t show all my passionate in loving God… I guess I’m too selfish until I want to receive more than giving more…..perhaps…there’s always a quandary that make me keep doodling until now..or perhaps…my life is getting boring…

Power of love Vs poison of love

2010-03-25T00:18:00.004+08:00

No love no tear….and yes that is true. In every relationship there is misunderstanding and misconception towards something…sometimes, there will be a small quarrel but that doesn’t mean it’s the end of the relationship…the more the sweet and sour, the more love grows stronger….

But sometimes, others might not know about how strong is the relationship that bond with love, care and respect…and sometimes, quarreling is just an emotional turmoil to express themselves, perhaps just for a moment but still….it won't be the last solution as the dead ends. There will always be a solution and beautiful love expression that might be a sweet blessing in every single problem if we know how to settle and to tolerate with each other…. But perhaps, others might view it differently..the truth is…they only see all the negative part but never the positive part of the love….and sometimes, love can be weird in its own world on how two person, meet together, fight together, laugh together, cry together…but still everything seems to be strong and never break even once… and the hearts never fade away like the first meet…

As for me, my relationship is not perfect…. But I’m happy to have a caring, loving and understand bf even sometimes…I’m the one who make everything up side down….ehheehh…women can make the men headache in their own way…ekekkeke….but as long as the man dare to accept the person for who she is…and that’s what make the love so perfect together…hahahhahahah

Muaxxxxxxxx…..

Trusting me, trusting you

2010-03-24T10:10:00.002+08:00

Trust…the key of happiness and I believe it. But sometimes, it can be a trust paradox for me.…but as a person who is imperfect in many areas, there’s always a hesitation in every angle of relationship. Perhaps, I never had a nice and sweet memorable experience from my previous relationship regarding to the key point of “TRUST” but to trust someone, it takes time to give it lavishly 100%. I’m not blaming others, as I myself feel the difficulty to give all the trust… I’m just an ordinary woman, protecting myself from being hurt for the second time….well, once bitten, twice shy…and I’m not going to make it happens again in my life.

Sometimes, I keep on blaming myself for my glaring mistake for being so suspicious, emotional and the jealousy that I ever made…. Well, I’m just a human being….and everyone makes mistake….and perhaps; men should know why a woman acting that way… we sometimes protecting ourselves and it’s good to be self-centered sometimes…not to say we don’t have the trust but..i guess men are easily to be hypnotize with the intoxicated flirtatious.
Eehheehhe….betul kan???

No News is Good News

2010-03-17T16:42:00.004+08:00

Today, it seems to be lackluster and I feel a little sluggish to do my work. I can’t capture the exact feeling that I am having now…perhaps that’s the emotional erratic or maybe emotional turmoil of doodling something here as to express the boredom, the coldness and the laziness...holilazing!!!…geee…no news is good news…

Hmmm….i’m thinking :

-When will I receive my new iphone that I had ordered before? I can’t wait for my new handphone… will be arriving soon…and I’m counting the day…..yeepieeee..

- I’m so lazy to check and to read the students’ essay….and that’s made me more stress and headache…( I’ve already been like this for 3 days..duhhh)

- The weather is blistering and dusty especially the road to my house…I hate to see my car full of dust all the time…….i’m thinking when it will be raining?? Or else drizzle is enough…better than none…

- I’m wondering…hmmm….for how long I’ll be like this??hmmmm….any opportunity heading on my way???heheh

- ohh… I miss someone….the absentee really makes me feel lonely and makes my life a liitle bit drab…well, absence makes the heart grows fonder…that’s for sure…

- The “ DATO” is here…I’m wondering….bila la naik gaji ni….hmmm….hehehe..perasan jak si fiona ni..

- can’t wait 5.30 pm…running away from the office….i miss my American idol show!! 2 night classes on Monday and Tuesday really make me feel exhausted…

-Gee…I can’t believe my eyes…why Alex Lambert is out??!!

- upss…another assignment need to be finish as soon as possible…

- hmmm….i’m out of ideas…

I Think it’s just Lambert….

2010-03-03T21:27:00.003+08:00

I was watching American idol… but hey, I guess I’m going to like Alex Lambert…he looks innocent, shy, down to earth and shaky but his tones of voice ….omg.. marvelous!!! !!! I like the fact that he seems to be new in the industry and have no ideas at all….and…. when he sang…. It seems that everything looked honest!!!

gee… am I the judges!!LOL!!nevermind… but I guess, I;m going to fall in love again!!!hahahha

Scary hand delivery…

2010-02-27T10:12:00.003+08:00

There was a day..i asked my bf...( 2 WEEKS AGO)

"any interesting things there in west Malaysia??perhaps something that you can buy for me

...something that you cannot find it in Sabah?? "

and my bf replied,

"nope....nothing special...all the same here"

and i said..

"hmmm ok...ehhehe...."

Ok...next topic..Last night was the night that pretty much boring for me but luckily, I met my bf’s sisters and having a dinner with them…and yes..there was a delivery for me from my Bf…

Guess what ??? I got this scary hand!hahhahah!!!it was actually my bf’s wax hand made from Genting!ahhahha!!!what a??? hahahha!! Are you kidding? Hahahha!!!that was the funny and freaky gift I got but I like it!LOL!!!...

i wonder...can this hand move in the middle of the night??? look scary at night!hahahhah!!! NOW yeah...he really giving me something that i cannot find it in Sabah!hahahah!LOL!

PISANG GORENG CAMPUR PLASTIK...SEDAP BA!!

2010-02-23T17:21:00.004+08:00

Well, sometimes we don’t realize that life is full of secret and even when you go to any other restaurants, there’s always be a secret that lies in their own restaurants…well, yesterday, our principle in a college was one of the victim..Geee….i never know that the fried bananas can be mix up with plastic to make it taste better and crispy….ahhaahh… I guess I ever ate the fried banana in that restaurant…and honestly, memang sedap!!!hahahha…but you know, I’ll never let myself eating it again!!!ahahahha…

The funny things is…it reminds me of the past memoreis which was early of this month... when, 3 of my colleagues were buying the fried banana in 3 different restaurants at foodcourt..and I was the one who compared the taste of the fried bananas, which one was actually taste the best...we compared the taste like we were the judges ..and guess what??? The restaurant that the fied banana taste the best is the resturant that being complaint in today’s Sabah Daily Express….ahahhahah!!!! what a heck!!lol!!

CLICK HERE

No rose without a thorn…

2010-02-22T14:01:00.002+08:00

Lately, I was being sluggish with all of these quandary and boredom since there were so many things quizzically running all around my mind. I was actually doing my own self- reflection… I always asked myself, how well I had made my own achievement in my career as a lecturer…sometimes; we need to be in a two-way perception and responses which mean not only satisfied with what we do but it would be better to get some feedback from others…I was thinking how if I change my teaching approach to be more relax, mature and independent to the students? I guess I had gave them too much of spoon-feed to my last semester students…or perhaps because they were new students so, I had to give them full of guidelines.

But this semester, I, myself feel that they should be independent learner, think out of the box and believe in themselves especially in generating and expressing their ideas. So that, they can enhance their cognitive level of thinking… not just only have to focus on their grammar level, but also enjoy the learning and open their mind to think broad for all the challenge that they may face in the future. They should expose with the new approach…and I know, all the first time is always the hardest and so do i…but I hope I can make it…it’s time for them to think two or three step way at front… and perhaps, i also need to do some improvement in my own teaching….avoid repetition…ehehe…because I always keep repeating the same things again and all over again…( I’m just worry if they don’t understand) but…yes I need to change that.

I can feel that life is unfair..yes…totally unfair and human can be cruel and greedy…God is actually fair but human makes life full of bias… but, I can’t keep mumble and tearing apart superstitiously deep in my heart…I need to go out of this 101 feelings of hardship and heartache and I know and believe that every clown has its own silver lining and every person has their day which is someday….and no matter how long the night we need to endure , there’s always a day that sure to come….maybe this time around is not my day…but there is always tomorrow…and there’s always someday….

Duhh…. I’ve got 3 assignments to make…which really makes me exhausted…sometime’s people’s life is better than mine…. Hmmm…..it’s ok…perhaps, this is the way how I need to keep generating my ideas and skills and receiving more and more knowledge so that I can always flashing back my mind towards all the knowledge that I had gained during my university time….. biar saya tambah pandai..wakkakkaka!!lol!bagila banyak-banyak assignment…biar saya buat… but this is not F.O.C ok..ehehhe..LOL!

V-Day vs C.N.Y..like any other day…

2010-02-15T18:15:00.003+08:00

Well, yesterday was an exhausted Chinese New Year celebration as my family was doing their open house…but sadly…I don’t know who to invite as in my thought all of my friends were somewhere or anywhere out of my hometown… pretty bored for me…well, I guess my Chinese New Year is a solo celebration…everything is single including my Valentine day… but, I’m happy to meet my family especially my sisters!ehheh

My bf is not with me and nothing special for this year…except the everyday routine by making a jingle all the time…well, hand phone is my best-middle friend!!especially when having a conversation through the communication….what else can I do??if that is it?? Hmmm…. Face it… this is the far distance relationship…like it or not…face it…yeah… I am into it…

Hardship will always be there and yeah..it’s difficult to be far all the time especially with someone you love… I don’t need and expect anything. As long as I feel I’ve been appreciated and be love …I guess that’s enough…

And today…I will fly back to KK…and I can’t predict anything for tomorrow but for sure life is not complete when everything you make is all alone without people that you love..hmm..nevermind…perhaps my day is someday..:)

Hope Behind The Shadows Of Pain

2010-02-14T19:00:00.003+08:00

it's been a long time i seldom post anything interesting no more as it seems to be more and more drab...well, i haven't got any ideas what to post...??well, let's just read this poem...

Hope Behind The Shadows Of Pain

In some others pretty eyes
There's a great painful disguise
Disguise that dressed their lonely heart
With devastating cuts that ever hurt.

Their smiles turned into sobs
Their laughter turned into screams
Their days turned into nights
And their joys turned into sorrows.

But no matter what caused their pains
They move forward as they wipe their tears
For in every beat of a painful heart
There is hope that lights the path.

When Work is doubly, troubly BORING

2010-02-11T11:14:00.004+08:00

Have you ever feel boring at work???well, I guess that’s the normal thing…and so do i…well, I was opening my email and what I received was these creatures..ahahha…I can’t imagine if I’m being like and insane worker doing these things when I’m bored…
Let’s make some of advance imagination…LOL!!

Bored at work?

1. Kill a few flies.

2. Put them in the sun to dry for one hour.

3. Once they are dry, pick a pencil and paper... Let your imagination flow.

Here are a few examples...
Makes me wonder, though: where does someone work that there are this many flies?Could be a piper at a sewer plant. I wonder if they are hiring?

Doodle expression.

2010-02-04T10:12:00.002+08:00

Lately…life seems to be lackluster or perhaps, I, myself are the one that seems not knowing how to appreciate life…as there’s a lot of things make me in the quizzical erratically blur almost with everything….and now, I am not feeling well, I feel headache, I feel uneasy, as well as having my flu. And to sum up, I’m physically and emotionally sick…

There’s nothing for me to blame everything except doodling something in my blog…
All that you want is, you want me to talk nicely to you and stop being so boorish…but have ever listen to me and make me feel that I am actually talking with someone??? Rather than talking like no one ever care of else I’m actually talking with the wind like a crazy woman pleasing someone to actually listen my quandary?

i guess, for all the time, I am actually all alone by myself….all alone with everything…all alone …..Expressing my personal feeling in my blog like I have no secret no more…. The thing is…this is the only way I express myself that not with everyone and maybe you might not understand it too….

Sunday quizzical blessing…

2010-01-31T22:18:00.000+08:00

Last Saturday was a nice day to hang out with my besties which were 4 of us hang out in Frenz, Lintas….it was great to meet them and talked about our upcoming news about everything from the job kind of thing’ing to the little mean girls talk about gossip…hahah! Duh…what do you expect about us?? Girls talk? Well, there’s a lot of mixture during the discussion… I was blessed to have my besties all around me that time especially when I was feeling really down on something. I felt very down to earth and sometimes I felt that I was full of anxiety of my own future… I don’t know…it just that I am not yet reaching my highest goal yet…but I was really thankful to have a supportive friends even deep in my heart, I was eagerly wish for a better me…but we had a great day to share all our hardship and experienced!!!

So, right after the hang out, I went home and still before I went to sleep, my mind couldn’t stop thinking about what I had going through…. I still had the tiny feeling of blaming myself and hating my fate…sometimes, I kept asking God…why?? What’s wrong? Why? How long? When and why??? Really emotical person I am lately… and the person who really felt my pressured was my dearly BF…he was nice and very optimistic but perhaps I was the other way around who being so pessimistic until made people got on their nerves as I did listened but still couldn’t stop blaming myself….it was really taught to face it. Moreover, as you were the one who felt it.. But at least, giving a jingle In the middle of a silent night with my BF, made me felt a lot better and gasp than being so over the low in everything…

The next day, which is today, I went to the church with Anna and her male friend ( still can’t figure out their status)..and surprisingly the father was talking about ‘patience”…I guess we really felt the punched as what he was saying was totally similar with our situation as well as personally, in my situation…i guess 99% really so over to my situation… and I felt touched as I felt that God was actually listening to my burden even, of course he was not the one who talked with me but by the ‘father’, he was actually delivering the message…. On my mind, I asked myself…gee..why the speech was so over to me.?? There’s a little sarcasms inner of the speech .it sounds that totally in my situation…and I felt that perhaps…someone heard my silent cries even maybe I never tell anyone or certain people…but, I guess..it was a Sunday quizzical blessing as well as a touching advise that actually told me “ be patience and wait”…ya… be patience and wait…

I can’t get it…why??

2010-01-29T13:35:00.000+08:00

Lately, I feel that life is miserable for me… a few minutes I’m kind of having an emotic feeling… I’m angry with myself as I can’t even done anything like what I’m expected it too be… perhaps, life is sadistic for me….i feel life is clueless, even I’m very passionate with my passion, teaching the students and encouraging them but still I feel so black sheep as I can’t even encourage myself.

What actually is wrong with me?? Why everything makes me so at the bottom ends… should I be so mean by blaming my own roots..my own name… my real Chinese name??? I hate is so much and sorry if this make a harsh statement or very vicious about it…I know I am totally wrong but I still can’t get it of from my life with that vindication of being all the idiot Fiona!!! I don’t know how should I stand with all of this hardship….perhaps, the weakness is actually coming from me not based on my name….but for Malaysian context…come on…I guess the best term to describe me is “ I’m REJECTED Fiona Chang Chui Yee”…no matter what I do…there’s always be the bottom me compare to all my friends… why I feel so hard and life getting harder than what I want it to be??? It’s hard to be in a race on –Sino Kadazan… with the name of Chinese Name… how I wish if my parents never gave me the Chinese Name from the day I was born… how I wish… once people see my name…you all know what race I might be categorize.. …

Perhaps, I’m making nonsense here in my blog… but deep in my heart…it’s hard to be me…it’s hard to be a dilemma girl that always in the doldrums that still searching for the answer why….

What the Heck with You???

2010-01-28T14:31:00.001+08:00

Out of the sudden, I feel my hand keep shaking and my heart beat faster and faster….i feel so useless for a moment and I feel so unproductive…..i can feel that I’m shuddering and I’m almost faint out!!! I feel that the clock is stop ticking for a second and I am quizzically blur…I can’t think of anything rather than be numb for a while….

Time passes faster than I expected and I need to face whatever things that I might hear or read in front of my eyes…I telling my heart, and my soul that accept everything even if it’s actually a bad news…honestly speaking I feel 10 thousand lack of confident than anyone else I guess….i believe that every clowns has its own silver lining….but how about me??? Oh gosh…I really can’t even figure it out! Perhaps, life is a dime a dozen to others but for me, never in my life I can ever feel such a way even once…. I wish for a little blessing from God..i wish a little hope and I wish a little opportunity for me… but I am quizzically can’t feel it..even just a little feeling…

Oh please….stop making me feel so disappointed… oh please give even a single hope…make me feel the reward of all the milestones that I had felt and going through…

What I need is just a single please from God…oh please…please….please…..

If Jesus came to your house…

2010-01-19T14:42:00.002+08:00

Sometimes, we don’t realize that we always want to be impressively good and hide our weakness in every aspects of life.. Sometimes, it would be better to hide all the blushed that we had than let’s the whole world knows our true colours.

I really admire this poem…I bet we, sometimes try to proof that we are much and a lot better…especially when we are in front of people that we are not get used with or someone that came unexpectedly beyond our control..…I think I shouldn’t have to explain why…read this poem and you will know…how if it’s Jesus ?? what will you do…?

If Jesus came to your house…

If Jesus came to your house to spend a day or two,

If he came unexpectedly, I wonder what you’d do.

Oh, I know you’d give your nicest room to such an honored guest,

And all the food you’d serve to Him would be the very best,

And you would keep assuring Him you’d glad to have him there,

That serving him in your home is joy beyond compare!

But when you saw him coming, would you meet him at the door,

With arms outstretched in welcome to your heavenly visitors?

Or would you have to change your clothes before you let him in,

Or hide some magazines and put the bible where they’d been?

Would you turn off the radio and hope he hadn’t heard

And wish you hadn’t uttered that last, loud, hasty words?

Would you hide your worldly music and put some hymm books out?

Could you let Jesus walk right in, or would you rush about?

And I wonder—if the Saviour spent a day of two with you,

Would you go right on doing the things you always do?

Would you keep right on saying the things you always say?

Would life for you continue as it does from day to day?

Would your family conversation keep up its usual pace?

And would you find it hard each meal to say a table grace?

Would you sing the songs you always sing and read the books you read?

And let him know the things on which your mind and spirit feed?

Would you take Jesus with you everywhere you’d planned to go,

Or would you, maybe, change your plans for just a day or so?

Would you be glad to have him meet your very closest friends,

Or would you hope they’d stay away until his visit ends?

Would you be glad to have him stay forever on and on,

Or would you sigh with great relief when he at last was gone?

It might be interesting to know the things that you would

If Jesus came in person to spend some time with you…

My heart grows fonder…

2010-01-16T15:36:00.001+08:00

Today, my lovely dearly bf is going to KL…and he will be there for a year and a year is like a thousand miles away for me. He will be in KL for his KPLI which is good for him but feel hard for me to let him go that far. I don’t like far distance relationship as it’s tougher than what people expected it to be. I don’t like to be all alone most of the time like I’m single girl again but I can’t make my eyes blinded from the vindictive to make everything seems to be a correctomadou… like it or not, I have to face the truth and for sure his absentee will makes my heart grows fonder….. We are always in a far distance relationship but I guess this time will be much tougher as it may be….

The absenteeism really a great torturous for me as I, myself sometimes easily to get very emotional or perhaps…that’s the middle age of 20s syndrome as I might be very obnoxious sometimes and irritate which really shows my glaring mistake.

Well, I hope…it makes our relationships grow stronger as behind every misery there’s a blessing….

When “ALLAH” is the matter

2010-01-08T22:07:00.003+08:00

Everyone in this world believes in what they believe…pray to whom they feel is the real and the one they believe forever …. Or in a simple word, have faith in what we believe because without faith works is dead. Everyone have their rights to pray and believe no matter whatever religion in this world and that’s what we call it as the human rights.

Honestly speaking, humble me to talk about religion as I myself, are just a human being, believe in what I believe and have my own cognitive thinking on sometimes to view as my sense of perception. I am just a human being who are in the very bottom end of faith when it comes to talk about the holy words but as a human being I guess It is not wrong to share a piece of my mind…well, lately, there’s a lot of chaos happening in our country especially when this word “ALLAH” is now the havoc issues to be discuss which makes some kind of erratic blur in each and everyone from all walks of life.

I’m not going to touch about this word “ALLAH” as a vindictive issues but i guess as a Malaysian people we need to minimize this issues and try to look into the positive way rather than making everything become worst, all the glaring eyes by pointing to each other, and all the debauched action should be avoided… i believe, in every good deeds there’s always one devil in the middle of angel, waiting for our failure… and we ,as a Malaysian with various religion need to respect with each other in more diplomatic ways to handle the problems. We are living in a multi racial country, so we need to cooperate with each other and not showing an obnoxious actions without thinking other peoples’ feeling..

I believe that all religion teach us to love with each other even our enemy as well as respect other religion as I also do have a lot of Muslim friends and all of them are living in unity and respect with each other without any bound from different races or religion but sometimes, I guess it is a bit sad to hear some news from West Malaysia…sometimes because of one person, the rest will get the impact which actually not everyone is the same. Some are good but because of certain people, everyone are trap into it.. And that is not good for all of us…. Sometimes I wonder…why all of this should happen?…we are living under one roof, under one country, but I guess we are not unite yet… I’m a bit worry with the influences from the West Malaysia, as we here in Sabah are still in the strong friendship and respect.. Regarding to the word “Allah” issues, let’s not make it as a raise issues…

Resolution make over!

2010-01-03T22:02:00.011+08:00

Well, it seems to be a tradition when New Year comes, automatically there will be a new resolution and the new soul for a new year….and for me, I’m not going to miss out the new resolution and these are my new resolutions…simple but accurate lol!

1. be more positive and optimistic...

2. activate myself to keep on blogging

3. saving money as much as i can

4. keep healthy and maintain my diet

5. Avoid from "shopaholic mode"..wuakkk

6. dream big and increase the quality of work

7. Be a good Samaritan and stop bully the BF..WAKKAK!!

My New Year Birthday! 01.01.2010

2010-01-02T21:57:00.006+08:00

celebrating birthday with the special one

my bf and his family

Everyone from all walks of life will always feel the exhilaration of the coming New Year….countdown everywhere; celebration here and there and everyone seem to have their own activities while waiting for the New Year to come….resolution seems to be the first topic to be discuss and every resolution will always come up with the good one and never the bad one…

So do i… I am waiting for two celebrations…New Year countdown and in the same time my New Year birthday. And what is the most important is, not just the New Year itself and the new resolution, but the new soul for the year 2010…being a new year girl is fun…everyone remember your birthday and everyone wishing birthday wishes to you and you will feel that people remind you as a special person during the new year eve…but, I am not the woman who will always celebrate my birthday everytime it’s new year…I don’t know why… it just that it’s reminds me that now I am 1 year older…well, what do you expect…??? New Year and new age on the 1^st January seems to make me feel the anxiety…besides, I don’t know how to celebrate my own birthday and it makes me feel erratically blur in terms of the emotion that I need to show…

But this year… guess what… I had celebrate my birthday twice in a different places and with different people….but the most birthday celebration that I will never forget for the rest of my life was celebrating my birthday at MAS Airport unexpectedly and I never thought that people still wanted to celebrate my birthday! I was as shocked as I hardly never and ever had a single thought expecting that my BF and his family to celebrate my birthday…. That’s the jovial day for me…and I felt so touched to have my birthday on that time!!!

I hope this 2010, a tiger year give me more luck and a blessed year! Cuz I am the tiger girl!rorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!lol!!!

i wish....that.....tutttttttttttttttttt

wonderful ending of 2009!

2009-12-31T08:17:00.005+08:00

I'm happy that i am surrounded with my bestie!

Hello bloggers….first of all, I wish you all a merry blast new year 2010 and I guess this is the last post for this years. Sorry for the seldomness of my post as my life is getting busier and sometimes, I almost feel out of mood to post anything at the moment.…..

Well, I guess this is the great ending of 2009 as most of my resolution had come true…and yes…. My new baby blue bird is here with me since 24th December 2009 and that’s the exhilarated mode for the ending of 2009! … Finally I managed to buy my dream car with my effort!!!! Well,…just a small car is enough for a woman like me…ekekkeke.

New Year is coming!! And yes..my birthday is now waiting for the new year’s countdown! I’m a New Year birthday gir!! So…..bloggie….any present for me??? Ahhahah!

I am actually running out of time and I guess I am a bit gasping reading my own post right now!!hahahah…too much activities are going on today!!!!anyway, HAPPY NEW YEAR 2010!!!! See you on 2010!

my new baby blue bird..kekke