October 16, 2011

I ENVY~I DESIRE

Perhaps, you can called me mean girl or covetous of other people. Well, as a woman who is very ambitious, I do have the feeling of envy and eagerly to be better than what I suppose to be before. I always make sure that my life is always better than the previous years. I always want to be perfect in every angle but, the fact is, nobody perfect..even God’s intervention can’t help me either.







Or should I just say that instead of being thankful. It turns to be thankless???Perhaps, I am thankful with what I have but deep down from the bottom of my heart, I do have a little silent dissatisfied from my very small voices. It seems that I keep on complaining all the time as in voiceless ( inner dissatisfaction but now it turns into writing) rather than be thankful… I keep on complaining about:

i) my facial feature since I have a round face that always makes me look chubbier…it seems that round face is the hardest facial feature for me..i always look chubbier and big cheek. .i hate my facial skin as I always have pimples on my face even it isn’t too bad but still it’s out of my own self-satisfaction. I envy those who don’t have to spend a lot of money and trying so hard on cosmetic products…I hate when people keep on talking about facial skin and compare with their smooth facial skin…it’s really a sensitive issue for me…( like “ duhhhh” I know you don’t have skin problems and be damn thankful if it’s actually from your genetic inheritance!) but the fact is, nobody knows what I had gone through ! all they know..”keep on comparing me with them” like bitch bitches! ( oppsie…sorry harshy)
ii) I keep on complaining about my body part.. I have small butt…duhh….nevermind at least I have big boobs..ahhah..but yet…how I wish if I have a big sexy butt.. like Kim Kardishan, or perhaps, Jenny on the block, Jennifer Lopez… hmmm….unluckily I wasn’t born with it…perhaps..i was born with these boobies of mine…wink!proud with that..i’n not saying it is superbly big but ….moderate… much better than “small” category…
iii) Hmm… how I wish I was born with a thick hair…mine is fine hair…hmmm….it ‘s difficult to own a fine hair as you can’t try every hair fashion….fine hair only suitable for certain hair fashion…hmmm….
iv) I envy those who don’t have to spend even a single penny on plane…everything is F.O.C…they only need to prepare with their pocket money..that’s all… any chances for me to get free ticket??? Hmmmm…but me??i have to stand on my own feet to fulfill my dreams. Perhaps, I am being too independent with myself! I need to save money if I want to go for travelling…. Sometimes, when I saw people with their marvelous and adventurous pictures to other places like London, Germany and whatsoever countries in the world, it makes me questioned myself…when will be my turn? Will I have the chances?? How lucky there are…is there any luck for me??? Will I be able to fulfill my dream? I wish oneday, I can travel around the world. Perhaps, not today but someday ( uh uh….tears..)..my dream places…( manila, Bali, Korea, Vietnam, London, Rome, Paris)..well..that;s all at this moment….the rest…wait till I feel like I want to go to the other countries that aren’t mentioned. …forget to mention…I am currently trying to fulfill my desire with climbing the 3rd largest mountain which is Mount. Kinabalu…. ( if I’m not mistaken…please correct my blunders)…currently…in the process of dealing with the person in charged ..Hopefully the booking processes successfully confirm!! ( fingers crossed) if this come true…meaning to say … I had lesser the countless dreams I have…:0

From the first until the last words of dissatisfactions, quizzical, clueless questions…it really shows how self-oriented I am and worldly I am with the human desires….hmm….( how bad I am….)…..but still, I know that all these coming from God…at least I know he loves me.. perhaps, not every dreams and desires are easily to be grab just in a glance…but yet, he gives me time to know myself well, to be patience and to keep on believing on my every desire although I am not perfect..but I am perfect in God’s eyes…

Talk about all this Goddess.. Scares me of the world’s today…is it 2012 will be the end of the world??? Uh uh….banyak lagi impian belum tercapai ni..uh uh…

5 comments:

aza evi lie said...

lovely post :)
i hate to say thEsE...but i need to...
"I HATE MY DARK SKIN!HOW COME THEY HAVE FAIR SKIN?"
"I HAVE FATS EVERYWHERE!GET IT OFF ME!!!"
the end .
:'(

sweet-girlicious said...

Hahaha..i guess i'm not alone!!!hahaha

chegu carol said...

you're not alone and i believe even the perfect person we thought she is will have her own dissatisfaction about herself.

i think it's ok to have all these feelings so long we take it in a positive way and strive to make something about it, no matter how hard it can be. for instance, traveling. you know that you have save to be able to travel. so what? at least u know that u are traveling under ur own expenses not others. isnt that an achievement worth to be proud of?

blessed those that can have all they want. but im sure when you are on certain level of achievement, you would want something more. it's always the case. :)

sweet-girlicious said...

Haha..ya..true..i should be proud of myself for saving money from my very own expenses....haha...life isn't about dream itself..it's about the journey that worth a thousand miles!!!;)

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