October 16, 2011

I ENVY~I DESIRE

Perhaps, you can called me mean girl or covetous of other people. Well, as a woman who is very ambitious, I do have the feeling of envy and eagerly to be better than what I suppose to be before. I always make sure that my life is always better than the previous years. I always want to be perfect in every angle but, the fact is, nobody perfect..even God’s intervention can’t help me either.







Or should I just say that instead of being thankful. It turns to be thankless???Perhaps, I am thankful with what I have but deep down from the bottom of my heart, I do have a little silent dissatisfied from my very small voices. It seems that I keep on complaining all the time as in voiceless ( inner dissatisfaction but now it turns into writing) rather than be thankful… I keep on complaining about:

i) my facial feature since I have a round face that always makes me look chubbier…it seems that round face is the hardest facial feature for me..i always look chubbier and big cheek. .i hate my facial skin as I always have pimples on my face even it isn’t too bad but still it’s out of my own self-satisfaction. I envy those who don’t have to spend a lot of money and trying so hard on cosmetic products…I hate when people keep on talking about facial skin and compare with their smooth facial skin…it’s really a sensitive issue for me…( like “ duhhhh” I know you don’t have skin problems and be damn thankful if it’s actually from your genetic inheritance!) but the fact is, nobody knows what I had gone through ! all they know..”keep on comparing me with them” like bitch bitches! ( oppsie…sorry harshy)
ii) I keep on complaining about my body part.. I have small butt…duhh….nevermind at least I have big boobs..ahhah..but yet…how I wish if I have a big sexy butt.. like Kim Kardishan, or perhaps, Jenny on the block, Jennifer Lopez… hmmm….unluckily I wasn’t born with it…perhaps..i was born with these boobies of mine…wink!proud with that..i’n not saying it is superbly big but ….moderate… much better than “small” category…
iii) Hmm… how I wish I was born with a thick hair…mine is fine hair…hmmm….it ‘s difficult to own a fine hair as you can’t try every hair fashion….fine hair only suitable for certain hair fashion…hmmm….
iv) I envy those who don’t have to spend even a single penny on plane…everything is F.O.C…they only need to prepare with their pocket money..that’s all… any chances for me to get free ticket??? Hmmmm…but me??i have to stand on my own feet to fulfill my dreams. Perhaps, I am being too independent with myself! I need to save money if I want to go for travelling…. Sometimes, when I saw people with their marvelous and adventurous pictures to other places like London, Germany and whatsoever countries in the world, it makes me questioned myself…when will be my turn? Will I have the chances?? How lucky there are…is there any luck for me??? Will I be able to fulfill my dream? I wish oneday, I can travel around the world. Perhaps, not today but someday ( uh uh….tears..)..my dream places…( manila, Bali, Korea, Vietnam, London, Rome, Paris)..well..that;s all at this moment….the rest…wait till I feel like I want to go to the other countries that aren’t mentioned. …forget to mention…I am currently trying to fulfill my desire with climbing the 3rd largest mountain which is Mount. Kinabalu…. ( if I’m not mistaken…please correct my blunders)…currently…in the process of dealing with the person in charged ..Hopefully the booking processes successfully confirm!! ( fingers crossed) if this come true…meaning to say … I had lesser the countless dreams I have…:0

From the first until the last words of dissatisfactions, quizzical, clueless questions…it really shows how self-oriented I am and worldly I am with the human desires….hmm….( how bad I am….)…..but still, I know that all these coming from God…at least I know he loves me.. perhaps, not every dreams and desires are easily to be grab just in a glance…but yet, he gives me time to know myself well, to be patience and to keep on believing on my every desire although I am not perfect..but I am perfect in God’s eyes…

Talk about all this Goddess.. Scares me of the world’s today…is it 2012 will be the end of the world??? Uh uh….banyak lagi impian belum tercapai ni..uh uh…

October 12, 2011

tinggi tinggi gunung kinabalu




i am planning to hike the mount kinabalu next year..march 2012....i'm on my way...i should make this dream comes true.....soooneeerrrr...!!!!....


~in the process of making it happens!~




October 11, 2011

money~>my angel my devil

hmm i am literally, like seriously thinking about money....money is the root of all evils but now it turns to be my angel devil...it helps me when i need it and it harms me when i am insanely out of my mind...unwise money user...!!

thank God...i am blessed with his grace... and i always bare in mind that everything comes from God...hmmm but by next year...after all the thought and culculation..i guess i am truly need to do my budgetary considerations..i'm thinking of something serious and trying my best jump outside the box...facing all the shadow of my future...

hmmm....numb and hush...hmmm ..like seriously, fiona????!!!

October 6, 2011

blooaaa~teedd Thursday...

Let’s make it fast, simple and snappy….
Currently..i was literally not feeling well.. PMS!!! Say hello to the hormone once again!! Oh totally..i feltl bloated since yesterday! Couldn’t sleep well last night and I was chickening out of something that I was truly didn’t know…perhaps, emotional imbalance….!! I couldn’t sleep in darkness and I need a dim light! glad I had that for emergency!

Lately….hmmm what was going on for 2 0r 3 weeks before??...check it out!! :
I had bought a new smartphone that I was really keen about.. (2 weeks ago)..my decision was to take this Samsung galaxy S plus….weee!!!i love it so much!!! Still in the process of discovering my new smartphone!!!hmmm..thank God for all the livelihood!!!
Since last weekend was really a layback for me….i have given a try for facial treatment.. “imperial beauty &body care, grand millennium …..my review : loving in so much!!!and I felt satisfied with the services. At least it worth for that Rm 96!! Thumb to Imperial beauty& body care !!! (the result : my face dosen't looked reddish...oppsie...naked face!)





And now….i’m still waiting for the makeup ( sephora moonshadow baked palette) that I had ordered since August……hmmm it takes so long for that..but I’m lucky that it costs me ($28) for that during the new product launched! Now, it costs ($ 50)!!! Thank God …I bought it earlier!.....so, the status : pending for the shipment…hmm…I need to wait till mid of this October then….

Well…that’s all for now..!

September 21, 2011

~kaingaran here I come~


Well, this was my second time going to Kaingaran, Tambunan and it was really wonderful place that I kept on missing as well as finding the peace that I never get somewhere else except here at Kaingaran.. far from hustle and bustle

I don’t know how to describe it, it was not all about the places but it was about your feeling, your thought, and the place that connected all together. Perhaps, people might said that going to “ kaingaran” for sure you will become a “sister” or “ brother”..but that weren’t true if it wasn’t your calling….

sometime, people went to kaingaran to find peace, to heal their silent sadness that hard to describe even by the word itself, to improve themselves as well as because they’re weak and they need some prayers and healing process….others might said that going to such places, you are truly “faithful” but I guess that wasn’t the best term to judge…people went to such places because they knew that they were just a human being that always make mistakes and need God’s intervention to show them the right direction in every aspect…

September 15, 2011

“ Mamula moon” day??

JUST MAKE IT SHORT AND SIMPLE…..I Know this from my friend ….

Well, I don’t know the real story about this “ Mamula Moon” but it was really sounds like our national anthem..so, who copy –right who? I was totally had no idea…so, just let you all listen the song…and what says you???

By the way, Happy Malaysia day!!!Proud to be SABAHAN!!!!


video